The 'Advocate' takes the various items of the 'Batchelor's Estimate' one by one, and proceeds to demolish them to the best of her ability, sometimes with a certain degree of success, due, we fancy, to the more intimate knowledge of housekeeping details naturally possessed by a woman. She at once attacks him on the subject of house-rent, and with truly feminine malice reminds him how she has often heard him praise a friend's house rented at £24, and declare that he 'could wish for nothing better.' This rather reminds us of a young lady who advocated the claims of a somewhat uninteresting young man by saying he would make 'such a delightful brother-in-law.'
Has not our sex, too, been accused, with some degree of justice, of practising little meannesses, and does not the 'Woman's Advocate's' confession that she 'has lived 10 years in one Parish and never paid a penny to the Church' smack slightly of this feminine vice?
She goes on to say: 'To the Rector you will give 6d. as an Easter offering—to the Lecturer what you please. Trophy-money is but 6d. per annum. You need not join the Militia. Lamp, Scavenger, and Watch seldom amount to thirty shillings, and as for the Constable's Tax, I never heard of such a thing in my Life.' So the £9 is reduced to £2.
On the estimate for servants, especially for the footman in livery, the 'Woman's Advocate' pours great scorn. 'A man in livery forsooth! Have the two maids so little to do that you must e'en employ a man to play with 'em?'
But it is perhaps in her attack on the actual house-keeping estimates that the 'Woman's Advocate' is at her best. She does not always assign her reasons, but boldly makes such statements as the following: 'Your Butcher's Bill is over-rated at least one Third. Your Poulterer's and Fishmonger's more than two Thirds. As for the Herb-Woman you have overtopt her with a Vengeance; Twelve pence a week is more than enough for greens etc., and besides' (does not this bear some resemblance to the traditional postscript?) 'half the year but few sorts are in Season.' There is more banter about greenstuff and salads, during which the bachelor is taunted with being 'a meer Frenchman to eat seven Pounds per annum in Salads,' and with 'outdoing the Italians in oiling it,' and is, moreover, advised to buy his oil direct from the ship instead of from the tavern, thereby effecting a saving of 10s. per quart!—a hint we should imagine well worth carrying out.
Words fail the 'Advocate' in which to pour sufficient contempt on the estimates for grocer and confectioner: 'If you are sweet-Tooth'd,' she says, 'I will allow you now and then a Pennyworth of Sugar-Plumbs, but think 40s. per annum in that kind of Trash too much for a Person of your Years and Frugality; and I could really wish, for your own Sake, you had omitted that Article in your Estimate.'
The mention of the doctor's and apothecary's fees, which he 'least desired,' gives the 'Advocate' a final opportunity for crushing her victim, and will serve as a very fair example of her style of rejoinder throughout the whole answer when she is not dealing with concrete materials: 'I believe you wish for no one Article of Expence; could you have a Wife that would wear no Cloathes, eat no Victuals, bear no Children, never be sick, and bring you 2 or 3,000l., the more the better, I suppose your self-conceited Worship would marry, who imagine, no doubt, you merit a Fortune of 50, nay, 100,000l. To conclude I pronounce Bachelors the Vermin of a State. They enjoy the Benefits of Society but contribute not to its charge, and sponge upon the Publick, without making the least return. Had I any Power in the Legislature, you should not only be punished for Mischievous Libel, but all Batchelors above the age of Thirty should be double Tax'd.'
Edinburgh: Printed by T. and A. Constable
Variations in spelling, punctuation and hyphenation have been retained except in obvious cases of typographical error: