Strive as she would she could not get away from the refrain, the very movements of the fan beat time to the words and the tune.
Not mine, not mine the choice....
But she had chosen, she had dared; and what had been the result?
In things or great or small....
Supposing she had made a different choice; for example—on that other occasion, when Philip would so gladly have taken her away to live, if need be as he had said, "just for each other." At that time she had honestly put her own longing aside that his future, his work, his ambitions might not suffer. Supposing she had yielded, failed to "walk aright" according to her own conception, how soon would Philip have discovered his mistake? He owed her much! And she had done her little bit for India—not that India counted any longer with her now; India was to blame for everything, she told herself petulantly, illogically. She did not care what happened to India!... Suddenly Robert began to talk, and her whole attention became concentrated upon him. Gradually his voice grew clearer, though it was a curious, unnatural voice as if some stranger were speaking through his lips. Now and then he laughed, a hard self-satisfied little laugh.
"There they all go!" he waved his hand in a mocking welcome. "What a pretty procession! Not a bad record! No trouble, with a little precaution. Ah, Susie, you young devil—ran off with that fellow to spite me, did you? What was his name, now? Couldn't have done anything to suit me better.... Not a patch on the little Eurasian girl; look at her! Cost a pretty penny to get her married to that black railway boy. A fortune for him, anyway. Good child, run along; you're all right.... How many more? Where are you all going—to Hell?" He sang hoarsely:
No rose nor key, nor ring-necked dove,
She gave but her sweet self to me!
"Yes, eyes like forget-me-nots. That was a lesson, a near shave. Nearly gave me away too, as well as herself. Well out of that! Something safer, easier to shunt. Sher Singh knows which side his bread's buttered ... faithful fellow Sher Singh...." The voice dropped again to an indistinct mutter.