At last, with a quick movement, he stepped toward a side-table and filled a glass tumbler with whisky, and drank it to the bottom; then, setting down the glass, seemed to be again absorbed in his thoughts.
Only a minute, however, did he remain in this position; for it seemed that the liquor had revived him and the depressing sense of gloom was passing off. Turning to his friends, he exclaimed:
“Am I not a coward, thus to seek energy and strength in that bottle of liquor? But I cannot help it; I am in the saddest mood of my life! Until this moment I have had only a longing for the time to come for me to make the experiment; but now that the time has arrived, I must admit that I am terribly loath to undertake the ordeal. O my friends!” he cried, “it is certainly impossible for you to understand my feelings! I am like the condemned man on the scaffold about to leave this world, with its pleasures and sorrows, never again to see those whom he loves; never again to associate with those who have been dear and kind to him. I am to enter into a strange condition; and when I again move, and walk, and see, if, indeed, I ever do, it will be to find that those who were dear to me are but dust.”
Saying this, he buried his face in his hands, bowed his head, and wept.
His friends said no word, their own feelings almost overcoming them, but waited the passing of this transitory outbreak of the man’s feelings.
“There, dear boy,” said Hathaway, rising and putting his arms about the latter; “there, let it pass. We are convinced, that if it was required of you, you would undertake this task; but it is not required, so let it end here and forever.”
“Yes;” and Craft joined his voice with that of his friend. “Yes; there is no need for you to suffer, no need for you to imperil your life for the sake of advancing the sciences. Let it end!”
Cobb brushed away the tears, and looked at them a minute in silence; then, with a quick, jerky tone, said:
“No, it is too late! My fate ordains it! I will—I will, I say, go through this ordeal! Were I to stop now, what would you think of me? that I was a coward and afraid to carry out my boasted theory!”
He paused a moment, and then his face brightened.