“So Adam he kicked it clear into the middle of the pond, but it has the cold to this day.”
DOGS
DOGS is many kinds, but the Newfoundlin feller is the king of the ocean and saves babies from bein drowned in the briny deeps. The spotty one which has the swear name he trots along under his masters coach, and when a man is run over he finishes him. The dog is called a quinine for to distinguish him from the fox, which is a squid. Dogs is desiduous, for they have got 4 feets and leaps from crag to crag. When some feller is a dyin the dog howls mornful, but the under taker he says the doctrin of mortality is a sublime faith.
One time there was a dog which hadnt any tail, cause it was cut off, but its naughty for to cut them off, for the Bible it says: “Him that sheddeth his brothers bleed his own bleed shall be sheddeth.” There was a other dog which had a long slick tail, like a whip lash, and thems the jockies for me. The dog which had a tail it said to the dog which didn’t: “When your master gives you a bone what do you waggle?”
The other one he said: “I waggle the bone.”
Then the tail feller said: “When he kicks you for bein so ugly what have you for to put between your legs to show that your feel is hurt?”
The bob feller said: “I put half a mile between my legs and hisn, what more could I want, exceptin, maybe, the other half of the mile?”
The dog which had the tail it thought a while and then it wiggled its ear, much as to say: “This cripple hasnt any tail, but he has got a head thats no mere toy.” But pretty soon he began for to smile, and bime by said: “What have you for the boys to tie a tin can onto?”
Then the other one shook his head, real sad and said: “You got the advantage of me there, thats a fact. This no tail of mine is jest as good as any for business, but in matters of pleasure and sociableness it fails lamentable!”