“No, suh, ’taint rabbit, ’tis cat.”
“I apprehend,” said the English purist, “that you desire to ascertain whether it is possible for a cat to have the rabies. I may say, for your information, that there are, literally and mathematically speaking, 18 phases of insanity to which humanity is subject, ranging from the emotional insanity of commerce, to the popular mania a potu, vulgarly called delirium inebriosa. I do not care to give an off-hand opinion as to whether or not a cat may have one or more of these kinds of insanity, unless you will accurately describe the symptoms and put your questions categorically. It is manifestly a work of supererogation—”
“Great Gawd, maussuh!” said the old man, turning appealingly to the tall gentleman. “Please, suh, tell dis juntlemun dat my cat nebbuh had no rabbit, ’e only had kitten’. Yaas, suh. My cat name Jane, en’ ’e b’long to dis leetle gal chile w’ich is my gran’, en’ him (dat is de gal) name Jane, en’ Jane (dat is de cat) b’long to Jane (w’ich is de gal) en’ Jane does use to folluh Jane eb’ryweh ’e go, en’ Jane does berry lub Jane, en’ w’enebbuh Jane does ketch rat, ’e fetch’um een de house, en’ w’enebbuh Jane does git ’e bittle fuh eat, ’e always keep some uh de bittle fuh Jane, en’ w’en Jane (dat is de cat) had nine kitten’ een Mistuh Claa’k’ smokehouse on de t’ree Chuesday een dis same berry munt’, den Jane (dat is de gal) set up all night fuh nuss Jane (dat is de cat) en’, please Gawd, maussuh, jis’ as soon as de nyung kitten’ eye’ biggin fuh op’n, one shaa’pmout’ black dog, wid ’e tail stan’ like dese bu’d fedduh buckruh ’ooman does lub fuh pit on ’e hat w’en Sunday come, dis dog jump obuh de fench en’ bite’um, en’ Jane (dat is de cat en’ de gal alltwo) git berry agguhnize en’ twis’ up een alltwo dem min’, en’ Jane (dat is de cat) him jump obuh de fench en’ run’way, en’ de dog en’ Jane (dat is de gal) run attuh Jane (dat is de cat) ’tell w’en Jane (dat is de cat) staa’t fuh run down de lane, Jane (dat is de gal) see ole Unk’ Bill Rose—w’ich’n him is de Gub’nuh’ Claa’k, walkin’ good fashi’n down de lane. Now, de gal holluh att’um fuh ketch de cat, but eb’rybody know dat Unk’ Bill Rose is leetle kinduh bowleggit, en’, alldo’ him hol’ alltwo ’e foot togedduh, ’e foot couldn’ specify, en’ Jane (dat is de cat) jump clean t’ru Unk’ Bill Rose’ britchiz, en’ ’e git’way en’ gone, please Gawd, en’ lef’ Jane (dat is de gal) en’ lef’ ’e nine kitten’, w’ich all dem eye’ ent done open, een Mistuh Claa’k’ smokehouse, en’ gone en’ jump obuh de fench w’ich run roun’ de ’Sylum yaa’d—en’ dat de reaz’n w’ymekso I know berry well Jane (dat is de cat) mus’ be gone crazy, ’cause he gone spang een de ’Sylum!”
A CONGAREE WATER-COLOR
During the last freshet in the Congaree river, three negroes living on the Childs plantation five miles below Columbia took advantage of the high water to go rabbit hunting in a boat. Paddling about between the tree trunks, they scanned the knolls and tussocks that, rising above the flood, afforded sanctuary to the cotton-tail refugees.
So intent were they upon the chase, that the carelessly managed skiff struck a cypress “knee” and was instantly swamped. Fortunately, the trees were thick, and the wrecked crew climbed into a tall gum, where, far above the swelling flood, they spent the entire day, sending out from time to time across the waste of waters a piteous cry for help, until, late in the evening, their voices were heard from the highlands, and a boat was sent to their rescue by Mr. Childs.
Mingo Singletary, one of the treed nimrods, was in the city yesterday, and gave the following account of the adventure:
“Yaas, suh, me en’ Silus Smit’ en Hacklus Rab’nel, w’ich Hacklus is my niece, ’cause him gran’ en’ my gran’ alltwo is de same man, en’ him farruh en’ my farruh is two twin; so, berrywellden, me en’ dese two mans gone out een de bateau fuh hunt rabbit, ’cause w’en de ribbuh high, rabbit is a berry easy t’ing fuh ketch, ’cause dey berry ’f’aid fuh git dem foot wet, en’ dey does climb high ’puntop de tussock. So we paddle ’long en’ quizzit all de tussock, en’ de same time w’en me en’ Silus binnuh peep onduhneet’ one briah bush weh rabbit does hide, fus’ t’ing we know, we ain’ know nutt’n’, ’cause my niece Hacklus, w’ich dat nigguh nebbuh did hab a Gawd’ piece uh sense, him paddle de boat ’puntop de snag, en’ de boat’ bottom couldn’ specify, en’ de boat’ bottom buss’, en’ lef’ we een de water. Now, Silus had a fight wid he lady las’ week, en’ he lady strong mo’den Silus, en’ Silus’ lady lick’um en’ mos’ bruk ’e back, so w’en Silus try fuh swim ’e back couldn’ specify, en’ jis’ ez ’e biggin to drowndid, my niece Hacklus ketch’um by ’e britchiz, but de britchiz buss’, en’ Silus gone down onduhneet’ de water fuh de two time, en’ w’en ’e rise ’gen I graff’um by ’e lef’ han’ foot en’ hice’um up close to one big gum tree, en’ all t’ree uh we climb de tree ’tell we git ’puntop de limb, en’ den, please Gawd, we seddown, en’ seddown, en’ seddown; en’ we all t’ree berry well sattify fuh seddown, ’tell hongry biggin fuh ketch we, en w’en him come, den we staa’t fuh holluh’ en’ holluh’ en’ holluh. But de mo’ we holluh, de mo’ we hongry, en’ bimeby we see Silus’ lady walkin’ by de ribbuh’ aige wid dat yalluh boy Sam, w’ich lib to Mistuh Hamptun’ place, en’ Silus holluh at ’e lady en’ scole’um, but you know berry well, suh, ’ooman is de debble, en’ dat ’ooman nebbuh had Silus een de back uh ’e head. So, we stillyet seddown, en’ seddown, ’tell we mos’ ready fuh drap off de tree limb; en’ Silus is a class-leader, en’ him biggin fuh praise de Lawd, en’ bimeby him tell we ’bout how de rab’n feed ’Lijah, en’ we look high een de ellyment en’ we see ’nuf buzzut flyin’ high obuh de tree top, en’ Hacklus call to de buzzut fuh fetch de bittle, but de buzzut keep on flew high een de ellyment, en’ nebbuh bodduh ’e head ’bout Hacklus. Den, bimeby ’gen, Silus resplain de Scriptuh ’bout how Noah’ dub fetch tree branch en’ all kinduh t’ing een ’e mout’ w’en de water high; en’, fus’ t’ing we know, we see one dub fly t’ru de swamp, en’ de sun shine on ’e breas’ en’ mek’um look like gol’, en’, likewise also, we call to him, but ’e didn’ hab nutt’n’ een ’e mout’, en’ him fly ’way en’ gone, please Gawd! Den, w’en de sun biggin fuh lean ’cross de tree top ’en staa’t fuh walk down de sky fuh go to ’e res’, we git mos’ skaytode’t’, en’ we staa’t fuh sing sperritual’ en’ praise de Lawd, en’ Silus ketch ’e tex’ f’um de fo’teen chaptuh een Nickuhdemus, en’ him tell we ’bout how de Lawd tu’n Nickuhdemus eento cow w’en him hongry, so ’e could git grass fuh eat, but I tell’um dat tex’ couldn’ specify, ’cause how de debble—een de fus’ place, man cyan’ eat grass w’en him dey high een de tree top.
“En’ den de sun gone down, en’ one leetle cat squerril come out ’e hole een de gum tree en’ tu’n ’e tail obuh ’e back en’ say ‘paak, paak, paak’, en’ one big owl fly close to we en’ seddown een we tree en’ say ‘whaak, whaak, whaak, whaak, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!’ en’ den I know de Lawd tek pity on we en’ sen’ we cump’ny, en’ we git mo’ fait’ een de Lawd, en’ we biggin fuh holluh ’gen, en’ dis time, suh, Mistuh Chile yeddy we woice en’ sen’ ’e boat en’ tek we off, en’ w’en we git back to de nigguhhouse yaa’d, eb’rybody on de plantesshun sing praise en’ glad we come back—eb’rybody ’scusin’ Silus’ wife, en’, you b’leebe me, suh! Silus’ lady him bex ’cause ’e husbun’ britchiz buss’, en’ ’e lick Silus ’cause ’e didn’ drowndid.”