“But where are you, mother?” said Jane. “Jane, child,” said I, angrily, “your mother is here; get a light directly.” “We haven’t a bit of candle, father.” “Then get some wood out of the back room—break up some little bits—O, do make haste.” “We haven’t a bit of wood, father.” “Child, child—” “Yes, father, but we haven’t any.” My poor wife at this moment gave a kind of sob, and with a slight struggle, as if for breath, sunk heavier in my arms. I tried to hold her up in an easier posture, calling to her in a tender manner, “Mary, my dear Mary;” but my sensations and my conscience almost choked me. In this moment of anguish and perplexity, my wife, for aught I knew, dead in my arms—without light, without fuel, without food, without credit, Mrs. Mason returned. Jane had managed to make the fire burn up, just so as to disclose our wretched situation. “Your wife ill?” said Mrs. Mason, hastily stepping forward—“very ill, I fear, James, and wet and cold—run hastily, James,” reaching herself a broken chair, “and call in Mrs. Wright, and place your wife on my lap.” This I immediately did, and as I opened the door to go out, I heard Mrs. Mason ask Jane to get a light—and shame made me secretly rejoice, that I had escaped the humiliation, for the present, of confessing that we had not even a bit of a candle in the house.
Mrs. Wright was preparing for supper: they were regular and early folks, and my heart sunk within me when, in my hurry, I unceremoniously opened the door—I mean the contrast I saw between their cottage and my own; a clean cloth was laid, with spoons, and basins, and white, clean plates, and knives and forks, with every other necessary comfort. Wright was sitting with his back towards the fire, with a candle in one hand and a book in the other, reading to his wife, who was leaning forward, and just in the act of taking a pot off the hanger, in which it would be easy to guess, was something warm for supper. The fire and candle gave a cheerful light, and every thing looked “comfortable.” “My wife is taken very ill,” said I, “and Mrs. Mason, who has just stepped in, begged me to call in your help.” “Mrs. Mason at your house now?” said Mrs. Wright; “come, Wright, reach me my cloak, and let us make haste and go.” We were all at the door, when Mrs. Wright said, “What, come to fetch us without a lantern? and ours is at the glazier’s. What are we to do?” “The distance is very short,” I said. “Yes,” said Wright, “but long enough for an accident; how I do like necessaries;” adding, in an undertone, as he pulled his wife along, something about “enough for tavern debts, but nothing to buy necessaries.”
On opening my cottage door, I called out—for no one was in the room—“Mrs. Mason, are you up stairs? how is Mary? here is Mrs. Wright; shall I come up?” No one answered, and Mrs. Wright passed me, going softly up stairs, saying, in a low tone, as she ascended, “James, you had better make up a good fire, and get some water heated as fast as you can.” Again I was aghast. “Get some water heated,” said I; and the wretchedness of our bedless bed and furnitureless room crossed my mind at the same time. Mrs. Mason, at this moment, leaned over the banisters, and said, in a soft voice, “James, fetch the doctor, and lose no time; make haste, for life may depend on it.” My wretchedness seemed now complete; the very fire of delirium and confusion seemed to seize upon my brain; and hastily calling out to Jane to attend upon Mr. Wright, I snatched up my hat, and pushed by my neighbor without heeding some inquiries he had begun about the necessaries that were then so much required.
It rained, and was very dark; the road to the doctor’s was not the best, and he lived rather more than a mile off; it was impossible to proceed faster than a slow, cautious walk. I was now alone, and, in much bitterness of spirit, began to upbraid myself, and those companions of my folly who had led me on to habits that had first disgraced, and then brought me to severe ruin. With what vivid brightness did the first year of our marriage, its comforts and its hopes, again pass before me; and when my mind led me on through all its changing scenes, up to the moment when Mrs. Mason, in her low, subdued tone of voice, called to me to fetch the doctor, and to mind I lost no time; I could only realize my wife as dying, and myself the cruel tyrant who had, by neglect, ill usage, and partial starvation, brought her to an untimely end.
When I entered the doctor’s house, “Is that you, James King?” said he, sharply; “do you want me?” “Yes, sir,” said I; “my wife is very ill, and Mrs. Mason, who called in just at the time she was taken, desired me to come and to request your attendance upon her. I am afraid, sir, it is no little affair.” “Mrs. Mason, Mrs. Mason,” said the doctor; “I am inclined to think Mrs. Mason has better drugs in her shop for your wife’s complaint, than my shop affords, and I expect I shall have to tell her so.” I hung down my head with shame; I understood what he meant. He then moved towards the door, putting on his greatcoat as he walked along. “But stop,” said he, just as we got to the outer door, “how did you come—no lantern?” “I can carry your lantern before you, sir,” said I. “Yes,” said he, “and I may bring it back.” “But I will return with you, sir; my wife will most likely want some medicine.” “Yes, James,” said he, “and if she does, I shall want the money longer still.” I had no word to reply, it was no time to begin being independent. The doctor’s large glass lantern was brought, and our journey back was quickly performed. I should have thought a great deal of giving 7s. 6d. for such a lantern, if I had really required just such an one; yet I had paid as many pounds on my scores, and thought nothing at all about it.
On getting home, I found that somehow it had been managed to make up a good fire, and the tea-kettle was boiling, and Mrs. Mason was just making a little tea. “How is Mary?” said I, hardly daring to look Mrs. Mason in the face. “Well, Mrs. Mason,” said the doctor, “pray what is the matter?” and as the doctor spoke, Mrs. Mason took up the jug of tea she had made, conversed with the doctor in an undertone for half a minute, and both walked up stairs, leaving me again to reflection, in fact, taking no notice of me. I sunk down heavily upon the chair that was beside the fire, in a state of exhaustion, and while I was wondering where all this would end, was aroused by the cry of “James, James, the doctor says your wife must put her feet into warm water; so bring up some directly, James, in a large pan or bucket, or any thing that is handy; pray, make haste;” and before I could reply, for I doubted whether there was either, the door was shut, and again I was placed in a new difficulty. However, I found an old leaky pail and an old broken pan; so I set the pail into the pan to catch the leakage, and together, they did tolerably well; but I felt considerable shame as I handed this lumbering affair up stairs, well knowing it would call forth some remark.
I had just again seated myself at the fire, when the doctor, in no very gentle tone, called out, “James, here, man, take this paper to my office; Mr. Armstrong will give you some physic for your wife, and then it will be twice given, for I suppose you will never pay for it.” I stared at him, or rather paused and hesitated—who could tell why? was it the taunts I was thus obliged to endure; or was it bodily exhaustion? I had eaten all the food my poor Mary had put into my basket for my breakfast; and, as it appeared, all she had in the world; yet I had managed to borrow sixpence at noon, intending to buy me a loaf and cheese, and half a pint of beer for my dinner; but venturing upon half a pint of beer first, I called for another; and, becoming thirsty, for a pint; and so my dinner and my afternoon’s work were both lost together. It must now have been nearly ten o’clock, and I had tasted no food, as I said before, since breakfast. I felt faint, and well I might; however, with a heavy step and a heavier heart, taking up the doctor’s lantern, and looking round upon the empty wretchedness before me, I again set out for the doctor’s. And did I not also think over neighbor Wright’s comfortable, cheerful room, and his boiling pot; while I, who had that day spent a borrowed sixpence upon beer, had not even a crust of bread for myself or family? And did I forget the pence, and then the shillings, and then the pounds I had paid at public-houses; selling, and pawning my bed from under me, and my clothes from off my back, and all to gain misery and want, and lose my good name?
Mr. Armstrong was a kind-hearted young man, and soon prepared the medicines, and by kind and cheerful hopes concerning my poor Mary, and a little civil conversation, raised my spirits, and I walked back somewhat lighter of heart; but I was thoroughly wet, and the cold rain pierced my very marrow, for I was wearing summer clothing in the winter season—I had no other. Cold and wet, exhausted and miserable, I once more lifted the latch of my own cottage door. The candle was dimly burning. My fears arose, and my heart sunk within me: “Is Mary worse?” said I. “She is no better,” said Mr. Wright, who was sitting over the dying embers—“no better—heavy work, James.”
I placed the medicine upon the table, and sat down, exhausted and wretched. Whose situation so low, could he have known all, that would not have pitied me? Wright rose, and carried the medicines up stairs; and in another minute all was the stillness of death. I could have borne any thing but this—at least I so felt—but under this oppressive stillness, my feelings gave way in torrents of tears, and every moment brought a fresh accusation against myself for my past doings; and again I looked around me, as well as my tearful eyes and dimly-lighted room would allow, and contrasted all with John Wright’s. “So comfortable,” said I, involuntarily. Indistinct sounds and cautious steppings were now heard above; and while I was raising myself up to listen, in order to catch, if possible, something that would acquaint me with the state of my poor Mary, the bedroom door opened, and down came Wright and his wife, the latter carefully lighting the doctor, Mrs. Mason being close behind him. I tried to recover myself a little, and to assume something like the appearance of courage; and in a half-choked, coughing voice, said, “How is my poor wife, sir?” The doctor, with a severity of manner, and imitating my manner of speaking, replied, “You should have coughed sooner, James;” then turning to Mrs. Mason, said, “Remember, quiet is the best medicine now; indeed, it is food and medicine in her present state; don’t teaze her about any thing; at half past, mind—and again at twelve, until the pain subsides, when sleep will follow.”
I shrunk back at the words “half past,” which reminded me that I had not even a twenty-shilling clock in the house.