[CHAPTER XVII.]
REFLECTIONS.—VISIT TO WASHINGTON.—VISIT TO RAINSFORD ISLAND.—VIEWS OF DEATH.—REFLECTIONS.
From memorandum-book of property, December 31, 1835:
"My expenses have been —— thousand dollars this year; of which about one half went for persons and objects that make me feel that it has been well expended, and is better used than to remain in my possession. God grant that I may have the disposition to use these talents in such manner as to receive at last the joyful sound of 'Well done!'"
On March 29, 1836, Mr. Lawrence writes:
"My anxiety for a day or two about little things kept me from the enjoyment of those bright scenes that are so common to me when not oppressed by any of these may be events. My nerves are in such a shattered state, that I am quite unfit to encounter the responsibilities incident to my station, and I am ashamed of myself thus to expose my weakness."
During the spring, Mr. Lawrence's health was so feeble, and his nervous system so shattered, that a journey was recommended; and, in the month of May, in company with his friend and pastor, the Rev. Dr. Lothrop, he paid a visit to his brother Abbott, at Washington, then the representative in Congress for Boston. During this journey, he experienced a severe illness, and was shortly joined by Mrs. Lawrence. The visit to Washington extended through several weeks: and, although his health remained feeble and the weather unfavorable, he seems to have been alive to objects around him, and interested in what was going forward in the halls of Congress as well as in the society of the capital. He speaks of visits to the houses of Congress, and pleasant rides on horseback, "with hosts of agreeable companions ready to sally forth when the weather shall permit." He also takes a survey of the general state of society in Washington, with an occasional allusion to some particular personage. He writes:
"It used to be said that Washington and the Springs were the places for matrimonial speculations. I feel a natural dislike to a lady being brought out as an extraordinary affair, having all perfections, and having refused forty-nine offers, and still being on the carpet. It shows that she is either very silly herself, or has very silly friends, or both. Good strong common sense is worth more than forty-nine offers, with any quantity of slaves, or bank-notes, or lands, without it. * * * * *
"I have passed two hours in the Representatives' Hall and Senate Chamber to-day. I heard the usual sparring, and confess myself greatly interested in it. I could learn nothing of the merits of any of the questions; but I had a preference, such as one feels in seeing two dogs fight, that one should beat. It was very agreeable to me to see and hear those various distinguished characters, and goes to demonstrate the common saying, that some objects appear smaller by our getting nearer to them."