"This morning seems almost like a foretaste of heaven. The sun shines bright, the air is soft; I am comfortable, and expect a pleasant drive in the neighborhood. It is indeed brilliant, beautiful, and interesting to me, beyond any former experience of my life. I am the happiest man alive, and yet would willingly exchange worlds this day, if it be the good pleasure of our best Friend and Father in heaven."
The extract quoted above will give an idea of that state of mind in which Mr. Lawrence was often found by his friends, and which he unceasingly strove to cultivate. He could not always exult in the same buoyant and almost rapturous feelings here expressed; for, with his feeble frame and extreme susceptibility to outward influences, to believe such was the case would be to suppose him more than mortal. The willingness to exchange worlds was, however, a constant frame of mind; and the daily probability of such an event he always kept in view. The work of each day was performed with the feeling that it might be his last; and there is, throughout his correspondence and diary, frequent allusion to the uncertain tenure by which he held life, and his determination to work while the day lasted. If a matter was to be attended to, of great or little importance, whether the founding a professorship, signing a will, or paying a household bill, all was done at the earliest moment, with the habitual remark, "I may not be here to-morrow to do it."
In the same cheerful spirit, he writes to his son a few days after his marriage, and then on a journey to Virginia:
"The whole scene here on Thursday last was so delightful that I hardly knew whether I was on the earth, or floating between earth and heaven. I have been exalted ever since, and the group of happy friends will be a sunny spot in your no less than in their remembrance."
To his sister he writes, Dec. 22:
"It is thirty-one years this week since I commenced business on my own account, and the prospects were as gloomy at that period for its successful pursuit as at any time since; but I never had any doubt or misgiving as to my success, for I then had no more wants than my means would justify. The habits then formed, and since confirmed and strengthened by use, have been the foundation of my good name, good fortune, and present happy condition. At that time (when you know I used to visit you as often as I could, by riding in the night until I sometimes encroached upon the earliest hour of the Sabbath before reaching my beloved home, to be at my business at the dawn of day on Monday morning), my gains were more than my expenses; thus strengthening and encouraging me in the steady pursuit of those objects I had in view as a beginner. From that time to this, I am not aware of ever desiring or acquiring any great amount by a single operation, or of taking any part of the property of any other man and mingling it with my own, where I had the legal right to do so. I have had such uniform success as to make my fidelity a matter of deep concern to myself; and my prayer to God is, that I may be found to have acted a uniform part, and receive the joyful 'Well done,' which is substantial wealth, that no man can take away. If my experience could be made available by my successors, I sometimes feel that it would be a guaranty that they would keep in the best path; but, as they are to be fitted by discipline for the journey, it is perhaps a vain thing for me to allow any doubts to rest upon my mind that that discipline is not for their highest good. The pleasures of memory have never been more highly enjoyed than during the period of my last sickness. They have solaced my pains, and supported me through numerous fainting fits, growing out of the surgical treatment I have endured. I would ask you, my dear sister, if a merciful Parent has not stretched forth his hand almost visibly to support me through this trying scene, by scattering in my path these flowers and fruits so freely as almost to make me forget bodily pains; and bless him for what is past, and trust that what is future will be the means of making me a better man."
"December 31, 1838.—The business of the year now brought to a close has been unexpectedly productive, and the prospects of continued success are very flattering. At the commencement of the year, my life seemed a flickering light, with small hope of its continuance through the winter; but a merciful Providence has permitted a brighter view, and my happiness through the year has been superior to that of any year of my life."
After enumerating some domestic events which had contributed to this result, he adds:
"My own health is so far restored as to allow me the enjoyment of everything around me in perfection. May God in mercy keep me mindful of my duties, and prepared to surrender my account at any moment he may call me hence!"