Who falls off his saddle whene’er his steed prances!’”
the letter began. “‘In hoc signo vinces,’ likewise ‘E pluribus Unum’ and all hands around! I have arrived. Believe me, Mrs. Euphemia Haven’s son is being congratulated on the street by the Elders.
“A certain man in our town, Who was not wondrous wise, Jumped into a legal bramble bush, And scratched out both his eyes. I made him see his eyes were out, So, with all his might and main, He jumped into another bush, And scratched them in again!
“That, my dear Beth Baldwin, is the sole and only meaning of ‘going to law.’ A man goes mad and runs, frothing at the mouth, to another chap, to whom the law schools and local bar have given the right to separate him from his money without giving laughing-gas. Old Coldfoot, next door to me, is lots nicer to his victims than I am.
“Well, the chap with the sheepskin shows the mad man a perfectly obvious thing to do—and charges him for the advice; and he collects a second fee when thirteen other men tell the mad man the obvious thing is correct.
“This is what I have done, Beth Baldwin. Congratulate me! All hands think it is wonderful. So it must be. And I feel that I should have been broken-hearted if the other side had beaten us.
“Oh! I was scared before the issue. I thought I must go to extremes to convince the jury that the other side hadn’t a leg to stand on. I prepared a very touching appeal in which I should have begged the jury for mercy and the Court for clemency for my client, as though he were convicted of a capital crime.
“In the end—oh! let me confess it—our opponent’s witnesses made out our case for us. I put in no testimony but our answer, got up and said ten words, the jury did not leave its seats, and the good old judge congratulated me upon having more sense than most fledgling lawyers because I did not insist upon making a speech.
“Honestly, Beth, I was greatly relieved when it was all over. They say I have won my spurs; but I don’t think the rowels are very sharp yet.”