Anstice laughed again. She laughed very often when she felt near tears.
"Oh," she said impulsively, "what disadvantages we women have, in spite of all our modernity! Men rove over the sea when they have domestic troubles. It is women's part to put their shoulders to the wheel and create order out of chaos! Cousin Lucy is very angry with me, but I am not unreasonable; and I will think matters over, and write to you. Give me till the beginning of next week. This is Thursday. On Monday, I will send you my answer."
She held out her hand, and he took it and gripped it.
"If you have any womanly feeling, you will help me," he said, and then wheeling round, he disappeared into the house; and the car glided down the drive, and Anstice was left alone to her reflections.
She suddenly saw herself in Southampton Docks by the side of a big liner taking troops to France. She was standing with her hands in another's, with a cold set face of misery, meeting the yearning, agonizing glance of the handsome boy by her side. Only a boy and girl affair. Yet that parting, and the subsequent terse telegram announcing the death of a promising young officer, left marks on Anstice's soul that she would bear to her dying day. It had made her indifferent to men, it had made her determined to enjoy a single life for the rest of her days on earth.
And now she was asked to link her life to one who was supremely indifferent to her, who purposed to bind her to him merely for the mitigation of his home difficulties. "Womanly feeling!" She must have womanly feeling and sympathy for him and for his children, but what manly feeling had he for her?
Sitting in the car with her clasped hands in her lap, she was a picture of serene, contented youth, and yet in her heart, a seething passion of bewilderment, wounded pride, and indignation, coupled with uncertainty and doubt, was passing to and fro.
She had not enough religion in her life to help her, but she had a real love for children. Perhaps the thought of the little crippled boy and his mischievous sisters in a lonely house in the country, with no one to comfort or guide or train them except a succession of unsatisfactory governesses, made more impression upon her than she realized.
For when, after tossing about in her bed that night, unable to rest or sleep, she fell off at last into an uneasy slumber, she had a very vivid dream.
She thought she was standing on a stony beach, watching tremendous waves roll in from the ocean and break in a thundering roar at her feet. Suddenly, far away, she spied a small boat being driven towards her. In it were helpless children sending out shrill cries for aid.