The old Jean would have had no difficulty in coming to a decision, but the Jean who had taken service under the Master who never pleased Himself, could not waive aside other people's needs so easily.
"Oh," she cried impulsively, "it is too much to expect of me. I am not an old, matured, self-denying Christian. I cannot give up such a pleasure, to go and look after grandfather when he hates me and has turned me out of the house. I should be too good to live if I did it!"
Then she sat down, and with her elbows on her tea-table and her chin in her hands, she went on wrestling with the subject.
It was a long time before she moved her position, but when she did, it was to get upon her knees.
"Oh, God, it is Thy will I ought to be doing, not my own. Forgive me for thinking about myself so much. Help me to do what I know must be Thy will, and make me content and willing to do it."
The victory was won; and not giving herself time to ponder over her decision, she went straight off to the post-office and despatched a telegram—
"Coming by first train to-morrow."
"JEAN."
It did not take long to make her arrangements, though it kept her busy for the rest of the evening. And very early the next morning, she started with a brave heart and cheerful face for her old home. She had written to Mrs. Fergusson explaining her circumstances. As she was being carried along in the train, she was tempted to begin pitying herself, but she quenched it.
"If Chris or Barbara had been in my place, they would have come as a matter of course, without any struggle or self-commiseration. I wonder whether I shall ever reach their stage—to think of other people, always and naturally, before myself! It must be difficult!"
When she reached the old familiar station and found no Charlie there to greet her, her heart sank.