Was it good news? Of course Susan was glad that Sophia was better, but the thought at once came into her mind, as she watched the doctor out of the gate, “she will ask me about the collar. She will expect a message from Mademoiselle.” All that evening she was troubled about this, and even hoped that Sophia Jane might not be quite so well to-morrow, so that she might have time to see Mademoiselle again and make it all right. “What should I do if Sophia Jane asks me straight out whether I said the collar was from her? I couldn’t tell her I didn’t, and I couldn’t tell her I did. Oh, how I wish I had not put it off.” Now, in all her reflections, Susan still made excuses for herself, and still said, “it was not my fault.” She did not see that she had been mean and jealous and deceitful; but she did see that she had got herself into a difficulty, and was anxious, not to atone for her fault, but to escape the consequences of it. When conscience told her that the right thing was confession to her companion, she would not listen. “After all,” she said, “she perhaps won’t ask me, and then it will be all right; for I certainly will explain it to Mademoiselle, as I always meant to.” And in this way Susan got more and more enclosed in the tangled web she was weaving; for how can we make anything right unless we first see that it is wrong?
Sophia Jane continued better, and was much looking forward, Aunt Hannah said, to her companion’s visit. Susan was cautioned before she went upstairs to be very kind and gentle, not to vex or thwart the invalid, and to call Buskin if anything should be wanted. Aunt Hannah would go out a little while, which she had scarcely done since Sophia Jane’s illness. All this was promised, and it seemed another reason against saying anything about the collar; for, if Sophia Jane knew the truth, it would certainly vex and thwart her. Susan collected some things which she thought might amuse her, and perhaps prevent her from dwelling long on the dreaded subject. The game of dominoes, Grace, a box of beads, and Andersen’s fairy tales. Struggling upstairs with these, she was soon in the invalid’s room.
Sophia Jane looked much more like herself than when Susan had last seen her. She was lying quietly down among her pillows with a very white little face, and one hand resting feebly on the substantial form of Dinah, Margaretta’s black doll. By her side was a tiny bunch of snowdrops which Nanna had found in the garden that morning; how kind everyone was to her now! It gave Susan a little pang to remember that she herself had done nothing to please her, but just the opposite. Often, when Sophia Jane was well, she had asked to be allowed to have Dinah to herself for a little while, but had always been refused. Now, here she was. She was a most attractive doll, for there was a foreign air about her that distinguished her from all English ones. The nuns at Bahia had stuffed her so cleverly that her plump black face and limbs glistened; she wore earrings, a gay turban, and very full flowered chintz skirts. All her under-garments would “take off,” and were trimmed with curious hand-made lace. It was a great privilege to be allowed to play with her.
Sophia Jane received her visitor quietly, with a small pinched smile. In answer to Susan’s inquiries she pronounced herself better, but added with her usual old-fashioned air:
“I’m not well yet, though. I’m still ill and shaky.”
“What would you like to play at?” was Susan’s next inquiry put rather hastily.
“Nothing at all,” was the decided answer. “I want to talk.”
“But,” said Susan earnestly, “aunt told me you were not to talk much—she did, really.”
“Well, I’ll ask questions, and you talk,” said Sophia Jane.
“Wouldn’t you rather have a game of dominoes?” Susan ventured to suggest.