“Lor’, Ma!” said Bella, “the ideer!”
“All the same,” said the farmer, “when we first took Lilac we said we’d keep her till she was old enough for a place. The child’s made herself of use, and you don’t want to part with her. That’s the long and the short of it. But I stand by what I say. She shall settle it as she likes. She shall go to Mrs Leigh and hear about it, and then no one shan’t say a word to her, for or against. When’s she got to decide?”
“In a week,” answered his wife. “But you’re doing wrong, Greenways, you hadn’t ought to put it on the child’s shoulders; it’s us as ought to decide for her, us as are in the place of her father and mother. She’s too young to know what’s for her good.”
“I stand by what I say,” repeated the farmer, and he slapped the table with his hand. Mrs Greenways knew then that it was useless to oppose him further, and the conversation came to an end.
Now, when the matter was made known to Lilac, it seemed more like a dream than anything real. She had become so used to remain in the background, and go quietly on at her business without notice, that she could not at first believe in the great position offered to her. She was considered worth so much money a year! It was wonderful.
After she had seen Mrs Leigh, and heard that it really was true and no dream, another feeling began to take the place of wonder, and that was perplexity. The choice, they told her, was to remain in her own hands, and no one would interfere with it. What would be best? To go or stay? It was very difficult, almost impossible, to decide. Never in her short life had she yet been obliged to choose in any matter; there had always been a necessity which she had obeyed: “Do this,” “Go there.” The habit of obedience was strong within her, but it was very hard to be suddenly called to act for herself. And the worst of it was that no one would help her; even Mrs Leigh only said: “I shan’t persuade you one way or the other, Lilac, I shall leave it to you and your relations to consider.” Uncle Joshua had no counsel either. “You must put one against the other and decide for yourself, my maid,” he said; “there’ll be ups and downs wherever you go.” She studied her aunt’s face wistfully, and found no help there. Mrs Greenways kept complete and gloomy silence on the question.
Thrown back upon herself, Lilac’s perplexity grew with each day. If she went to sleep with her mind a little settled to one side of the matter, she woke up next morning to see many more advantages on the other. To leave Orchards Farm, and the village, and all the faces she had known since she could remember anything, and go to strangers! That would be dreadful. But then, there was the money to be thought of, and perhaps she might find the strangers kinder than her own relations. “It’s like weighing out the butter,” she said to herself; “first one side up and then t’other.” If only someone would say you must go, or you must stay.
During this week of uncertainty many things at the farm looked pleasanter than they had ever done before, and she was surprised at the interest everyone in the village took in her new prospects. They all had something to say about them, and though this did not help her decision but rather hindered it, she was pleased to find that they cared so much for her.
“And so you’re goin’ away,” said poor Mrs Wishing, fluttering into the farm one day and finding Lilac alone. “Seems as if I was to lose the on’y friend I’ve got. But I dunno. There was your poor mother, she was took, and now I shan’t see you no more. ’Tain’t as I see you often, but I know you might drop in anywhen and there’s comfort in that. Lor’! I shouldn’t be standing here now if you hadn’t come in that night—I was pretty nigh gone home that time. Might a been better p’r’aps for me and Dan’l too if I had. But you meant it kind.”
“Maybe I shan’t go away after all,” said Lilac soothingly.