Both the look and the words seemed to Lilac to have special meaning, almost as though her mother knew what she intended to do to-morrow; it seemed indeed to be written in large letters everywhere, and all that was said had something to do with it. This made her feel so guilty, that she began to be sure it would be very wrong to have a fringe. Should she give it up? It was a relief when Mrs Wishing, leaving the subject of the picture for one of nearer interest, proceeded to dwell on Dan’l and his failings, so that Lilac was not referred to again. This well-worn topic lasted for the rest of the visit, for Dan’l had been worse than usual. He had “got the neck of the bottle”, as Mrs Wishing expressed it, and had been in a hopeless state during the last week. Her sad monotonous voice went grinding on over the old story, while Lilac, washing up the tea things, carried on her own little fears, and hopes, and wishes in her own mind. No one watching her would have guessed what those wishes were: she looked so trim and neat, and handled the china as deftly as though she had no other thought than to do her work well. And yet the inside did not quite match this proper outside, for her whole soul was occupied with a beautiful vision—herself with a fringe like Agnetta! It proved so engrossing that she hardly noticed Mrs Wishing’s departure, and when her mother spoke she looked up startled.
“Yon’s a poor creetur as never could stand alone and never will,” she said. “It was the same when she was a gal—always hangin’ on to someone, always wantin’ someone else to do for her, and think for her. Well! empty sacks won’t never stand upright, and it’s no good tryin’ to make ’em.”
Lilac made no reply, and Mrs White, seizing the opportunity of impressing a useful lesson, continued:
“Lor’! it seems only the other day as Hepzibah was married to Daniel Wishing. A pretty gal she was, with clinging, coaxing ways, like the suckles in the hedge, and everyone she come near was ready to give her a helping hand. And at the wedding they all said, ‘There, now, she’s got the right man, Hepzibah has. A strong, steady feller, and a good workman an’ all, and one as’ll look after her an’ treat her kind.’ But I mind what I said to Mrs Pinhorn on that very day: ‘I hope it may be so,’ I says, ‘but it takes an angel, and not a man, to bear with a woman as weak an’ shiftless as Hepzibah, and not lose his temper.’ And now look at ’em! There’s Dan’l taken to drink, and when he’s out of himself he’ll lift his hand to her, and they’re both of ’em miserable. It does a deal o’ harm for a woman to be weak like that. She can’t stand alone, and she just pulls a man down along with her.”
The troubles of the Wishings were very familiar to Lilac’s ears, and, though she took her knitting and sat down on her little stool close to her mother, she did not listen much to what she was saying.
Mrs White, quite ignorant that her words of wisdom were wasted, continued admonishingly:
“So as you grow up, Lilac, and get to a woman, that’s what you’ve got to learn—to trust to yourself; you won’t always have a mother to look to. And what you’ve got to do now is, to learn to do your work jest as well as you can, and then afterwards you’ll be able to stand firm on yer own two feet, and not go leaning up against other folk, or be beholden to nobody. That’s a good thing, that is. There’s a saying, ‘Heaven helps them as helps themselves’. If that poor Hepzibah had helped herself when she was a gal, she wouldn’t be such a daundering creetur now, and Dan’l, he wouldn’t be a curse instead of a blessin’.”
When Lilac went up to her tiny room in the roof that night, her head felt too full of confusing thoughts to make it possible to go to bed at once. She knelt on a box that stood in the window, fastened back the lattice, and, leaning on the sill, looked out into the night. The greyness of evening was falling over everything, but it was not nearly dark yet, so that she could see the windings of the chalky road which led down to the valley, and the church tower, and even one of the gable windows in Orchards Farm, where a light was twinkling. Generally this last object was a most interesting one to her, but to-night she did not notice outside things much, for her mind was too busy with its own concerns. She had, for the first time in her life, something quite new and strange to think of, something of her own which her mother did not know; and though this may seem a very small matter to people whose lives are full of events, to Lilac it was of immense importance, for until now her days had been as even and unvaried as those of any daisy that grows in a field. But to-morrow, two new things were to happen—she was to have her hair cut, and to have her picture painted. “A poor sort of picture,” Mrs Greenways had said it would be, and, no doubt, Lilac agreed in her own mind Agnetta would make a far finer one—Agnetta, who had red cheeks, and a fringe already, and could dress herself so much smarter. Would a fringe really improve her? Agnetta said so. And yet—her mother—was it worth while to risk vexing her? But it would grow. Yes, but in the picture it would never grow. The more she thought, the more difficult it was to see her way clear; as the evening grew darker and more shadowy, so her reflections became dimmer and more confused; at last they were suddenly stopped altogether, for a bat which had come forth on its evening travels flapped straight against her face under the eaves. Thoroughly roused, Lilac drew in her head, shut her window, and was very soon fast asleep in bed.
Night is said to bring counsel, and perhaps it did so in some way, although she slept too soundly to dream, for punctually at eleven o’clock the next morning she was at the meeting-place appointed by Agnetta at the farm.
This was a loft over the cows’ stables, the only place when, at that hour, they could be sure of no interruption.