Of rhymster’s and scribblers some dozens were there,
With intellects sadly in want of repair;
Quite shrewdly divining their chances must be
The fairest, where patching and darning were free;
Reporters, whose need of sensations compelled them,
Like rag-men, to dig in the gutters that held them;
Sleek prelates, whom zeal for religion assisted
To garble good logic, ’till, crooked and twisted,
It argued that measures, tho’ wicked and hateful,
If righteous in purpose, are healthy and grateful.
So, deeming that suffrage and other such folly
Might possibly benefit mother church holy;
Nor seeing what future could ever prevent it
From popular proving, their countenance lent it.
And lawyers, whom oldest of records declare
Distinguished for scenting the carcass afar,
Came hotly careering and snuffing the air.
The meeting included political hacks,
Who carry the nation about on their backs,
Nor wanted the proper admixture of quacks,
Clairvoyants, and witches, magnetic magicians,
And humbugs notorious, all sorts and conditions—
The lightest of chaff, tossed loosely together
By turn of a chance, or freak of the weather.
Like Quixotes exploiting with banner unfurled
And license unbridled the shame of the world.
BOOK II.
AUDITORIUM.
THE GRAND PALAVER. IGNEOUS FORMATION—VOLCANOES AND EARTHQUAKES.
WITH passengers and boxes all aboard,
With pitch abounding and with brimstone stored,
With each convenience science can afford,
With hellish flames beneath that hissed and roared,
A fearful dubitation rose, ’twould seem,
What kind of cock would best let on the steam;
Whether to open by singing or prayer,
Or bang a gong, as most appropriate there,
To start, with happy auspices, the train;
Then let her run, till gudgeons hum again,
’Twas argued in a satisfact’ry way,
By sapient functionary old and gray,
Some kind of canticle must first be sung,
To limber up the hinges of the tongue,
That, loose in joint, the sisters might go in
And glory in this Grand Palaver win.
Proclamation for singists to volunteer
Brought forth beldames wrinkled, rheumy, and blear,
Gathered from some Sahara bleak and drear,
While here and there, a flower sandwiched between,
From some belated garden, might be seen.
Giving this Pandemonium a choir,
Which howled and screeched with a demoniac fire.
From throats with agonizing spasms wrung,
The notes in spiteful jerks and spurts were flung;
And this the maniacal hymn they sung.
“We gather, we rally