"Why, Fred, if you would only take a gentle sipling of the nectar you would know how to appreciate and enjoy our company," said Henderson.
"True friendship and true happiness are based upon more solid material than liquids," replied Frederick.
"Well, Fred, as you are a sort of philosopher, allow me to ask you, if the true destiny of man, both here and hereafter, is not the enjoyment of life?" interrogated Henderson.
"Certainly, sir," replied Fred; "but I further believe that our Maker designed that man should use the proper means for the promotion of both terrestrial and celestial happiness."
"Our opinions are identical, then," exclaimed Henderson. "We are both of the same mind and yet cannot agree; and the reason is simply this—that I occasionally partake of a social glass with my friends as a means to awaken and promote enjoyment; whereas you teetotally reject the means. This delicious nectar sparkling before me has the inherent virtues of making me truly happy; I, therefore, use it for its medicinal qualities. So here is my best respects to you all, boys,—not forgetting you, Fred," added Henderson, raising the tumbler to his lips and draining the liquor to its very dregs.
"Ha! ha! ha!" ejaculated Jenkins, "I say, Fred, you are completely cornered up, Henderson's as good a philosopher as yourself."
"That may be so," replied Fred, "but I wish you, and Henderson also, to bear in mind that reason may be twisted into sophistry. He must first prove the premises of his arguments to be correct, namely, 'that spirituous liquors are conducive to the happiness of mankind'—otherwise, the syllogism must be false. To attempt such an undertaking would be a more fool-hardy task than that of Hercules to carry the globe upon his back. My dear sir, you would soon find that the universal evidence of the world would be against you. The horrid shrieks of suffering humanity would denounce the falsity of your arguments, while myriads of skeletons would startle from their graves with horrid indignation!"
"Hold on, hold on, I say, Fred," shouted Henderson, "you are firing away your balls at random and never look at the target."
"I think he has made a good many bull-eyes in your head," exclaimed Stevens.
"Come, come, boys, we'll have a horn on the head of the subject," cried Jenkins.