“A jug of new milk,” cried his mother, “and you’ve spilled it! Have you no sense, you ninny-hammer? That’s no way to bring home a jug of milk. The safest way to carry a jug of milk is to put it on your head and hold it with both hands and come straight home.”
“Say no more about it, sweet mother,” whimpered Jack, beginning to blubber; “that’s what I’ll do the next time.” So his mother gave him his supper that time, too.
Well, the next day Jack hired himself to a farmer, and got for his day’s labor a fine fresh cream cheese. Jack took that cheese, placed it on his head, held it down firmly with both hands, and set out home. Now, Jack’s head was warm and the cheese was soft. So it wasn’t long before it began to get softer. By the time he reached home part of it had oozed down over his face and more of it had matted into his hair; he was a sight to behold.
When his mother saw him, she threw up her arms and cried, “Dearie me, dearie me, whatever has happened to my own bonny son?”
“Why, nothing, mother,” said Jack, “and see the fine cheese I’ve brought you home.” With that he took down from his head a bit of grease in each hand.
“You’ve spoiled a cheese, a fine cream cheese,” screamed his mother. “Have you no sense at all, at all, in your empty head, you numbskull? That’s no way to bring home a cheese. The safest thing to do with a cheese is to take it in both hands, hold it out before you, and come straight home.”
“Say no more about it, sweet mother,” said Jack, beginning to snuffle, “that’s what I’ll do the next time.”
So he didn’t go supperless to bed that night either.
It was a baker Jack hired himself to the next day, and at the close of it the baker gave him a cat. “Your mother will find her a good mouser,” said he. And Jack said, “Thank you, kindly, sir,” and took the cat. He held her with both hands out before him and started straight for home. On the way a mouse scurried across his path and the cat leaped from his hands; but Jack still held them out, ready for her when she should come back, and kept on toward home.
When he reached home his mother looked at his hands and said, “What have you in your hands, Jack?”