"Wal," sez I, "I don't care if we du; but I tell you what, if them two chaps don't jest hush up their yop, I'll give them both an allfired thrashing—I will, by gosh!"
I ruther guess the two mean critters hauled in their horns a few at this; and arter I'd gin them both a purty savage look, we went into the office agin.
"Now," sez my pussey cousin, jest as soon as we'd both sot down agin, "Cousin Slick, I've found you out, and I mean to du something for you—something harnsome, you may depend on't. Jest you call up to my house next New Year's day, and git acquainted with my folks, and arter that you needn't be consarned about anything. I'm purty well known here in the city, and my relation can hold up his head almost anywhere, I should think! I was down tu the Astor House t'other day," sez he, a stopping to git breath and stretching both his legs out straight, while he stuck both hands in his pockets, mighty big, "and there was that foreign Count and Miss Miles's brother running on about you, and swearing that they'd skin you alive the first time they caught you in Broadway; but I went up tu them, and sez I, 'that young gentleman is a near relation of mine, and anything you say agin him, I take tu myself.' You can't think, cousin Jonathan, what an impression it made! So you needn't have the least fear of what they can du while I stand by you—they know me."
With that, my pussey cousin got up—and arter he'd shook hands with me, he went off, carriage and all. I say, par, I wish I could give you some idee of him. Did you ever see a great spotted toad a swelling under a harrer, or a turkey gobbler jest afore thanksgiving?
I say nothing; but didn't I larf arter he'd gone. The great stuck-up bear, with his family, and his hens and roosters—he go to grass.
Wal, jest as soon as my pussey cousin had cleared out, I put on my hat, and streaked it down to Peck slip, for Captin Doolittle has jest put in agin with another load of garden sarce; and think sez I, mebby he can tell me something about this chap, for he knows eenamost everybody that ever lived anywhere about Weathersfield.
The Captin had jest sot down to dinner, and was a digging away like all natur, at a hunk of cold pork and a raw onion; a mug of something hot stood on the locker afore him, and he looked like live, I can tell you.
"Wal, Jonathan," sez he, a looking kinder skewing at my new trousers, "Wont you set by and take a bite?"
"Wal," sez I, "I shoudn't mind if I did, but to-morrow is New Year's, and I've got tu go and see a hull heap of these York gals, and I'm afeard my breath will smell of the onions."