Jessie would believe us, I was sure; but the belief, without power to remedy a state of things so terrible that it made my heart sink, would only produce pain. What could I do? Helplessly I asked the question. Yet a terrible necessity required all my energies.
The dejection of poor Lottie had a numbing effect upon me. She, usually so full of resources, so ardent in her courage, sat on the window-seat, crestfallen and beaten like myself. One thing was certain, Lottie would keep strict guard now. Whatever the woman's motives were, the events of that night would never be repeated, so long as that faithful creature kept her place in the household. But how long would she keep that place? How long should I be left under the same roof with her?
CHAPTER XLVII.
MR. LEE SENDS IN THE ACCOUNT OF HIS GUARDIANSHIP.
The pain of my apprehensions hunted me out of all society. I crept away into the woods, the next day, wondering what I should do, how it was my duty to act. I could not bear to see any of the family. No charge had been made, no suspicion cast on Mrs. Dennison; but it seemed to me that every member of the household must read my thoughts and condemn me for them. I felt broken down and driven forth by this woman.
I did not remember or care for the hours of breakfast or dinner; excitement had driven all thoughts of food from my mind. This increased my languor and made me more helpless still. Why had this beautiful woman come to torment me? What had I done to be thus virtually driven into the fields like a wild animal? I wandered off to the ridge, and sat down on the rock where I had once conversed with Mrs. Dennison. I do not know what time of the day it was; for the sun was obscured and the heavens were fleecy with black clouds. My head ached sadly; but that was nothing to the pain at my heart.
A storm came up while I sat there; but I was quite unconscious of it till my clothes were wet through, and I felt all my limbs shivering with the cold. I did not think of the consequences; it seemed so natural that I should be beaten down, that I cowered under the fierce rain like a poor flower that grew by me on the rock. The sunshine might revive that—would it ever come to me?
I remember feeling a mournful companionship with this solitary blossom, and sheltering it with a corner of my wet shawl. It was some distraction to the thoughts that harassed me to fancy the pretty thing as wretched as myself. Still I sat upon the rock, and still the rain beat down upon me. At last I heard Lottie's voice through the drifting storm, calling for me anxiously.
I arose and stood up, trembling from head to foot—the wet had chilled the very heart in my bosom.