"She loves him, and I think he loves her; still he turns to me for sympathy and counsel, believing that I forget and forgive.
"Yes, she has rejected young Bosworth, and he is ill, very ill. That fine old lady, his grandmother, has sent for Miss Hyde, who will take Jessie Lee to visit her sick lover. Lawrence shall know this. He shall watch for her, going and coming. What, but intense love, can account for a step so singular—taken, too, without the knowledge of her father, for I will see that no communication of the fact shall reach him.
"It is exactly as I wished. He saw her on the road; he knows how angry her father was. His mortification is complete. He suffers enough to make my soul rise up in arms against him. To-day he betrayed one fact. The hope of gaining her property was a powerful incentive, however much he may love her. The man is worse than poor—heavily in debt—and feels himself compelled to marry riches. Perhaps this is the sole motive that brings him to the feet of this beautiful heiress. If I thought so, he might marry her; and I would wait a little till that frail woman—no, that is a terrible thought; let it sleep—let it sleep. Still, what would I do, even if Lawrence loved me? With extravagant tastes like ours, and high social positions to maintain without means, and he in debt, a marriage would be madness. If I were only sure that he sought her for her money alone—but I will not think of it.
"Lawrence has gone. I could not endure to see his disappointment, and let him depart supposing her engaged.
"I cannot live without him. This beautiful place is a desert, with all its blossoming flowers and rich appliances. When I feel that he has gone, a gloom falls upon everything around me. I am more lonely and miserable than his devotion to this young heiress could make me. Without his society, life would be a heavy burden. But how is that to be attained?
"These few days have been important ones to me. I have conjectured and thought till my brain aches and my heart is sore. To-day I stood upon the top of the Ridge, looking out upon the town and the vast landed estate owned by this man. Miss Hyde was with me, and something she said led me into a new train of thought. It seems that Jessie Lee is an heiress in spite of her father. At her mother's death, she will come in possession of half the estate. Of course, she will always live near the homestead, and the man she marries must necessarily be almost an inmate there. I have thought of this a great deal. New combinations are arranging themselves in my mind. If this rich man were free—but I dare not think of it.
"This lady is very lovely, but life must be a burden to any invalid. I should think death a mercy compared to the dull monotony of a sick-room. He is very tender and kind to her; but full health and continued illness cannot long remain in sympathy. He has learned this within the last two months, or I am greatly mistaken. Jessie Lee is getting distrustful of me. Miss Hyde has disliked me from the first, but in the sick-room I am all-potent, and this proud man does not himself dream of the power I have attained over him....
"I will do it; what choice have I? Poverty on one side, loneliness, desolation. On the other, wealth, position, his society. Oh, if I could only be sure that he does not love her!
"Having made up my mind, I am not one to falter. Yesterday I was talking with her about opiates. She is very nervous and wakeful at night, but refused to take laudanum. Very well; I have persuaded her that chloroform will bring rest, and she has some in her room. If she should take an overdose, who can be astonished?
"Last night I had a fearful struggle in her room. That girl seems endowed with wonderful resistance. I cannot put her so deeply into insensibility that she does not come out with a suddenness that frightens me. Perhaps I am nervous; everything startles me, and I feel panic-stricken at the least sound.