The fighter's calm was soothing. "Not quite. Say it confuses me. Cor'naya, I was granted a Vision last night, and I don't know whether I should make it public or not, even to you."
Hovan managed not to show his shock. The Ordeal was supposed to be one test at a time, and that was difficult enough—yet Steve had been given his Vision, and apparently his Decision as well, while he was trying to cope with simple survival. Three parts at once was more than anyone should be asked to endure, even by the Lords!
When he spoke, his voice was under tight control. "If you hesitate to reveal it to your sponsor, you probably should not. You are trying to become Cor'naya, however; you must decide what honor demands of you."
"Oh, hell." Tarlac didn't know what to think. He couldn't seem to feel any real emotion, only a sort of resigned fatigue. "Last night I was Kranath, when he was forced to Godhome. And for a little bit I was Godhome itself. I'm not sure what to do about what I learned then." He looked up at his sponsor.
Hovan ached with the man's need of support. "I cannot help you in this," he said gently. "You know I would if it were possible, but this is the part of the Ordeal I could not even mention to you. There is always a Decision to test honor."
"Part of the Ordeal's having to decide whether or not to tell you something that may drive insane those of you it doesn't kill outright? That's insane."
"It is far more than is asked of most," Hovan agreed indirectly. "I had to decide only between honor and my own life."
"You're here, so it must've been a setup."
"Yes. I was angry when I found out, yet also pleased to keep my life. I learned much of myself when I thought I was to die." Hovan looked down at Steve, into the man's troubled eyes. "I learned that I was stronger than I thought, ruhar, and I also learned the limits of my strength. I could not bear the burden of the Decision you must make. That it is asked of you shows you can bear it."
Tarlac had to smile at that. He felt himself no equal to Hovan's calm strength, but it was reassuring to know Hovan had that kind of confidence in him. "I think I'd rather have that choice to make. Dammit, Hovan, I've had to order people mindprobed, others killed, and that was bad enough. Those were criminals. How can I tell innocent people something that'll disturb all of them and probably kill a lot? That's genocide, as surely as what the Empire'll do if I fail."