"Go on."
"I was a kid, idealistic—I believed in what they said they stood for. I still do, but what they say doesn't come anywhere close to what they really stand for."
Cortin nodded, relaxing slightly. "I've never faulted the ideals they claim, or their courage—just their methods and their real morals."
"I was slow—it took me a while to realize the two didn't match. Once I did, and let people know I was sorry I'd joined, my superiors arranged for me to meet Shannon, and that told me I had to get out." Degas paused, looking sick. "He's an attractive man, handsome and—from the effect he had on the people I was with—damn near irresistible. I don't know how I was able to resist, but I've thanked God every day since that I was." He shuddered. "Shannon's evil, Captain! There's no other word to describe him. He may not be Shayan himself, like Sis thinks—though I tend to agree with her—but if he's not, he's not far off. A demon, or possessed by one. Most of the Brothers, I think, are just deluded—but Shannon's evil, and as long as they're under his spell, they'll act that way too."
"Did you commit any crimes while you were a Brother?"
Degas shook his head. "Not for lack of trying, I'm afraid. As I said, I was a kid; I wanted to do everything I could. But my superiors wouldn't let me, until I was older and knew more. So the only thing I was guilty of was joining, which I've been forgiven for—and I think I've paid any criminal debt I owed. I became a trooper because I was a Brother."
A trooper with a good Academy record, fifteen of his twenty-one active duty years in Special Ops—critically wounded several times, but living that long at all in Special Ops qualified as a real miracle—with numerous operations to his credit that he'd refused well-deserved awards for, as he'd refused promotion beyond the one to First Lieutenant he'd had to accept to remain in service. She'd wondered about those refusals, but Odeon had said he'd claimed personal reasons. Now that she knew, she respected him for it; that was his way of atoning. "You've decided to follow me, so your confessor said you have to accept my judgement—and he knew you'd decide to follow a woman. That sounds peculiar—did he give you any reason?"
"Not exactly, ma'am. He just told me he knew, with absolute certainty, that if I lived long enough I'd find the one I needed."
"Um." That statement made Cortin uncomfortable; she didn't like the idea of something being predetermined, the way Tony made this sound. Still, it had been his choice to join Team Azrael. "Why did you choose me?"
Degas frowned. "I'm … not positive. Your record, of course, and you've got the same sort of odd attraction Shannon does—except that with him it's lethal, evil, and with you it's … I don't have the words. 'Good' sounds soft, and that it certainly isn't … maybe 'creative'? And definitely not evil; after Shannon, I can feel evil." He looked at her, his gaze steady. "Following you feels right, if you'll still let me."