Herbert Spencer's Definition of Love; What Constitutes a Suitable Husband; Best Age for Marriage; Shall Cousins Marry? Contraindications to Marriage; Do Reformed Profligates Make Good Husbands? the Proper Length of Time for the Engagement; the Right Time of the Year to Marry; the Selection of the Wedding Day.
"Well, Brutus, thou art noble; yet, I see,
Thy honourable mettle may be wrought
From that it is disposed: Therefore, 'tis meet
That noble minds keep ever with their likes.
For who so firm that cannot be seduced?" "Julius Caesar."
Herbert Spencer's Definition of Love. "Love is habitually spoken of as though it were a simple feeling, whereas it is the most compound, and therefore the most powerful, of all the feelings. Added to the purely physical elements of it, are first to be noticed those highly complex impressions produced by physical beauty; around which are aggregated a variety of pleasurable ideas, not themselves amatory, but which have an organized relation to the amatory feelings. With this there is united the complex sentiment we term affection a sentiment which, as it can exist between those of the same sex, must be regarded as an independent sentiment, but one which is here greatly exalted. Then there is the sentiment of admiration, respect, reverence, in itself one of considerable power, and which in this relation becomes in a high degree active. There comes next the feeling called the love of approbation. To be preferred above all the world, and that by the one admired above all others, is to have the love of approbation gratified in a degree passing every other experience, especially as there is added that indirect gratification of it which results from the preference being witnessed by others. Further, the allied emotion of self-esteem comes into play. To have succeeded in gaining such attachment from and sway over another is a proof of power which cannot fail to agreeably excite amour propre. Yet again, the proprietary feeling has its share in the general activity. There is the pleasure of possession, the two belonging to each other. Once more, the relation allows of an extended liberty of action. Toward each other a strained behavior is requisite. Around each there is a suitable boundary that may not be crossed; an individuality on which none may trespass. But in this case the barriers are thrown down, and the love of unrestrained activity is gratified. Finally, there is an exaltation of sympathies, egotistic pleasures of all kinds are doubled by another's sympathetic participation, and the pleasures of another are added to the egotistic pleasures. Thus around the physical feeling forming the nucleus of the whole, are gathered the feelings produced by personal beauty that constitutes simple attachments, of self-esteem, of property, of love of freedom, of sympathy. These, all greatly exalted and severally tending to reflect their excitements on one another, unite to form the mental state we call love. And as each of them is comprehensive of multidinous states of consciousness, we may say that this passion fans into immense aggregate most of the elementary excitations of which we are capable; and that hence results its irresistible power."
What Constitutes a Suitable Husband. It is desirable that the husband shall be a few years older than the wife. Man is later in coming to maturity, and also retains his sexual powers considerably longer than woman; so that for these functions to cease about the same time, the wife must be younger than the husband. A difference of from two to five years is best; if the parties are young, it is not essential that the husband should be much the wife's senior, as it is later in life. The husband may be ten years older, but a greater disparity of age than this is rarely compatible with congeniality of tastes and dispositions, so essential to a happy married life. The woman who risks her happiness with a man many years younger than herself violates a precept of nature.
The average stature of the man is about three inches greater than that of the woman, and in the physiologic marriage any great deviation from this should be avoided.
The essentials for a happy marriage may be summed up as follows: that the parties shall be of suitable age; that they shall be physically well mated and in full sympathy with each other's views of life, of the same social position, and of equal education.
The Best Age for Marriage. The reproductive life begins with puberty, but maturity is not reached before the age of twenty-one. It is only then that the standard of development is reached that is most compatible with the successful bearing of the grave responsibilities of wifehood and motherhood. The too early exercise of the reproductive functions leads to increased suffering on the part of the mother, depresses her vitality, and increases her liability to disease. Statistics show that the mortality is very much greater where girls marry under twenty years of age.
The offspring are apt to be small and ill developed, and die in large numbers in early life; only a small percentage live long and robust lives. In France it has been observed that where the fear of conscription has caused many young people to marry the offspring were lacking in vigor. Among the offspring of immature parents there is a larger proportion of idiots, cripples, criminals, scrofulous, insane, and tubercular than among the children of nubile parents.
In our climate women are best fitted to become wives and mothers between the ages of twenty-four and twenty-eight years. Before this age neither their self-knowledge, their knowledge of the world, nor their experience is sufficiently mature to fit them to wisely make the choice of a companion for life, or to become mothers. After forty, most women cannot hope for children. Men had better wait until between the ages of twenty-seven and thirty years, before they undertake the responsibilities of parenthood.
Shall Cousins Marry? They might if both families were perfectly healthy; but as few families are without some lurking predisposition to disease, it is not well, as a rule, to run the risk of developing this by too repeated unions.