"So the world is full of young women who grow pale and feeble, sick and suffering. The ones are a prey to inflammations more or less severe; the others remain under the dominion of nervous attacks more or less violent. All these husbands have caused their own unhappiness and ruin. Never begin married life with a rape. To demand of a young girl whom one has seen forty times in fifteen days to love you because of the law, the king, and justice is an absurdity.
"Love is the union of necessity and of sentiment. Happiness in marriage is the result of perfect understanding between the spirits of husband and wife. From this it happens that in order to be happy, a man is obliged to bind himself to certain rules of delicacy and honor. After taking advantage of the social laws which consecrate the necessity, it is necessary to obey the secret laws of nature, in order to make the sentiments flourish. If a man places his happiness on being loved, it is necessary that he should love sincerely; nothing resists a veritable passion."
Shall Husband and Wife Occupy the Same Bed? Among civilized nations custom differs in this regard; in Germany, for instance, the husband and wife occupy separate beds in the same room; formerly in this country it was almost the universal custom for husband and wife to occupy the same bed. The current of opinion has changed in this respect, and it is now considered in the highest interests of both that they shall occupy not only separate beds, but separate rooms; these rooms communicating through a door which connects their respective dressing-rooms. This is unquestionably the best arrangement from the hygienic as well as from the ethical point of view. Health requires that one-third of the time shall be spent in sleep; the bed was made for sleep; and the most refreshing sleep can only be obtained by occupying the bed alone. If two persons occupy the same bed and one is restless, the sleep of the other is necessarily disturbed. Again, two persons occupying the same bed necessitates the same hour for rising and retiring, which is not always convenient or agreeable. Balzac writes on this subject: "To put the system of separate bed-rooms into practice is to attain to the highest degree of intellectual power and of virility. By what syllogism man arrived at establishing as a custom that of man and wife sleeping together, a practice so fatal to happiness, to health, to pleasure, and even to self-love, would be curious to seek out." If for financial reasons it is not possible to have separate bed-rooms, the German custom of having separate beds should be adopted.
The Consummation of Marriage. The consummation of marriage is often attended with difficulty owing to the rigidity of the hymen; this, if present, must usually be ruptured before connection takes place. Great gentleness and care must be exercised by the husband if it does not readily yield, the use of hot vaginal injections should be kept up for several weeks before the trial is repeated. These usually relax the parts very considerably; but if coitus is still found impossible, it is better to consult a physician at once, when a simple operation will generally remove the trouble and the woman is spared much suffering. In no case is any violence on the part of the husband allowable, as it might produce irreparable injuries.
There is always more or less suffering on the part of the wife at first, partly due to the rupture of the hymen, and partly to the forcible dilatation of the vagina and she should be allowed a sufficient time for nature to repair these injuries. By so doing, the constitutional disturbances and the nervous disorders which are so very prevalent may be prevented. Too frequent indulgence at this period is a prolific source of inflammatory diseases, and often occasions sterility and ill-health.
The first nuptial relations should be fruitless, in order that any indisposition arising therefrom should have had time to disappear before the woman becomes pregnant.
The Marital Relation. It is most important for the interest of both parties that there should be chastity in the marriage relation as well as out of it. Many young couples have had their lives ruined by excessive sexual indulgence. The effect is usually most severe upon the husband, yet the wife becomes weak, nervous, and excitable. Sexual excess is also the grave of domestic affection. The general rule given is that coitus should never take place oftener than every seven or ten days. When coitus is succeeded by langour, depression, or malaise, it has been indulged in too frequently.
Among civilized people there are three widely diferent views as to the proper course to be pursued:
First, those who maintain that sexual intercourse should not take place except for the propagation of the species.
Second, those who believe that the act is a love relation, mutually demanded and enjoyed by both sexes, and serving other purposes besides that of procreation.