But then came an equallie unlookt-for, and more appalling Event: the Fall of my Lord Cardinall, whereby my Father was shortlie raised to the highest Pinnacle of professional Greatnesse; being made Lord Chancellor, to the Content, in some Sort, of Wolsey himself, who sayd he was the onlie Man fit to be his Successor.
The unheard-of Splendour of his Installation dazzled the Vulgar; while the Wisdom that marked the admirable Discharge of his daylie Duties, won the Respect of alle thinking Men, but surprized none who alreadie knew Father. On the Day succeeding his being sworn in, Patteson marched hither, and thither, bearing a huge Placard, inscribed, "Partnership Dissolved;" and apparelled himself in an old Suit, on which he had bestowed a Coating of black Paint, with Weepers of white Paper; assigning for't that "his Brother was dead." "For now," quoth he, "that they've made him Lord Chancellor, we shall ne'er see Sir Thomas more."
Now, although the poor Cardinall was commonlie helde to shew much Judgment in his Decisions, owing to the naturall Soundness of his Understanding, yet, being noe Lawyer, Abuses had multiplied during his Chancellorship, more especiallie in the Way of enormous Fees and Gratuities. Father, not content with shunning base Lucre in his proper Person, will not let anie one under him, to his Knowledge, touch a Bribe; whereat Dancey, after his funny Fashion, complains, saying,—
"The Fingers of my Lord Cardinall's veriest Door-keepers were tipt with Gold, but I, since I married your Daughter, have got noe Pickings; which in your Case may be commendable, but in mine is nothing profitable."
Father, laughing, makes Answer,—
"Your Case is hard, Son Dancey, but I can onlie say for your Comfort, that, soe far as Honesty and Justice are concerned, if mine owne Father, whom I reverence dearly, stoode before me on the one Hand, and the Devil, whom I hate extremely, on the other, yet, the Cause of the latter being just, I shoulde give the Devil his Due."
Giles Heron hath found this to his Cost. Presuming on his near Connexion with my Father, he refused an equitable Accommodation of a Suit, which, thereon, coming into Court, Father's Decision was given flat agaynst him.
His Decision agaynst Mother was equallie impartiall, and had Something comique in it. Thus it befelle.—A Beggar-woman's little Dog, which had beene stolen from her, was offered my Mother for Sale, and she bought it for a Jewel of no greate Value. After a Week or soe, the Owner finds where her Dog is, and cometh to make Complaynt of the Theft to Father, then sitting in his Hall. Sayth Father, "Let's have a faire Hearing in open Court; thou, Mistress, stand there where you be, to have impartial Justice; and thou, Dame Alice, come up hither, because thou art of the higher Degree. Now then, call each of you the Puppy, and see which he will follow." Soe Sweetheart, in spite of Mother, springs off to the old Beggar-woman, who, unable to keep from laughing, and yet moved at Mother's Losse, sayth,—
"Tell 'ee what, Mistress ... thee shalt have 'un for a Groat."
"Nay," sayth Mother, "I won't mind giving thee a Piece of Gold;" soe the Bargain was satisfactorily concluded.