Chapter XI.
The Old Angel.
I do not much like to look back on that Time:—I was under a Cloud; a very dark one; and saw, heard, and felt Everything under its Shadow. I did not seem to love Prue much, nor to believe she loved me; I took Pleasure in Nothing, and did Nothing well.
I wonder, now, how I could have been so silly. I am very glad People could not see into my Heart, nor guess what was passing in my tossed and fretted Mind. Oh! if our Neighbours sometimes lay to our Charge Things that we know not, how often might they lay to our Charge Things that they know not! They think us on good and pleasant Terms with them, maybe, when we are full of Envy, Jealousy, and Suspicion. They utter the careless Word and laugh the cheerful Laugh, little guessing that their lightest Look, Word and Tone are being weighed in a Balance.
I suppose my troubled Mind tinctured a Letter I wrote, at about this Time, to Gatty; for in her Reply to it, which followed very quickly, she said:
"I think I can see by your Writing that you are not well, nor in good Spirits. How earnestly do I wish, dear Mrs. Patty, you would come down to us here, and try the effect of a little Change. Yours is a very toilsome, anxious Life, though you carry it off so well; always afoot, always thinking of others! But this may be overdone, and I think you have overdone it now; so come down, pray, before you get any worse. You know your Way to the Old Angel, dear Patty! and though the Days are so very short now and the Weather cold, the Roads are in fine Order and you shall have a warm Fireside. My Mother will be more joyed to see you than I can express, and so will my Brothers and Sisters, and I need not say how acceptable your Company will be to me! My Month's Holiday is up, and I have writ to Lady Betty; but she returns no Answer, and perhaps considers me no longer her Servant. I cannot say I shall fret much if it prove so; but the Fact must shortly be ascertained; as in that Case I must seek another Service. How I should like to go to that reverend, comfortable old Mrs. Arbuthnot! Perhaps, when I send her Aprons, I might write a respectful Line, saying I am in want of a Situation. Hers would be a vastly different Service, I fancy, from my Lady Betty's. And yet, do you know, that strange Sister of mine, Pen, is certain she should like to live with my Lady! Dear Mrs. Patty, I must abruptly conclude, as we are preparing to spend the Evening at Roaring House. It is a good Step, and there will be no Moon, but we shall do well with Lantern and Pattens, and are not fear'd at Hob-Goblin.
"I depend on your coming, so name the Day; and wrap up very warm, or else come inside the Coach. Tell the Coachman to set you down at the Mile-Stone, just before he reaches the Green Hatch; and we will be there to meet you. There have been no Highway Robberies these three Weeks, and only one Overturn, so don't be afraid."
"Your Affectionate,
"Gertrude Bowerbank."