There was a pause, during which Lassie just gently stroked the hand between her own.
"Do you know what I believe?" Alva continued. "Some crisis is preparing. I don't at all know what it is, but I feel it coming. I am certain—confident—that God has some new wisdom close in hand for me. Happy or sad—it is coming very close to-night. And whatever it is, I must go bravely forward to meet it."
Lassie shuddered ever so slightly.
"Ah, you think that it is some sorrow," Alva said; "my dear, would you credit me with telling you the truth, if I told you that there is a comfort in understanding that verse about whom He loveth He chasteneth? He doesn't call upon the weak among His children to bear what He has sent to me, to us. And if there is some heavy sorrow,"—she stopped, and presently added quite low,—"'not my will, but Thine be done!'"
Lassie was deeply touched. She felt tears rolling down her cheeks. The dusk had closed in and she could not see Alva's face, but she felt that she, too, was weeping.
Presently a freight train, going by, drowned everything by its roaring clank for five minutes, and when all was still again, Alva said: "Come, let us dress for supper!"
She rose at once and lit the light, and Lassie saw with astonishment that she was smiling and bright as usual. Alva caught her surprised look. "I'm a creature of strong belief, dear," she said, laughing, "and I know that whatever is hard, is worth itself. That is what one must try never to forget. I wouldn't wish any one else my life to live, but it is its own reward. The best thing in the world is to measure the real standards of earth and heaven. That is what I am doing."
"Don't you think perhaps you're overdoing, Alva?" the girl said, putting the question in the way of timid suggestion. "Don't you think you crowd even yourself too fast?"
"Can any one learn to be good too fast? And then the great strain is for such a little while, dear. Don't you see that in the world's eyes my giving will be limited to these few weeks, and that in heaven's eyes I shall then give all that I have and all that I am. Like him, I have pawned my existence for a purpose. I shall redeem both." The look of ecstasy that had opened to Lassie the gate of Medieval faith, flooded her face. "What a life I shall live in those few brief days," she said, softly; "how we shall enjoy our little oasis of bliss in the desert of loneliness. I shall learn so much—so much. And the best of the learning will be that I shall learn it from him."
Lassie watched the uplifted look. The enthusiasm of the novice was hers. As she had confessed to Ingram, envy dwelt at her heart. I wonder whether envy is a vice or a virtue when it stirs a longing to emulate one whom we recognize as better than ourselves?