"I walked up as far towards the front as I could an' then I sat down. I can't say as I was very comfortable nor much impressed an' the folks further back was very restless an' kept sayin' they could n't hear what was goin' on on the platform. There was a lady on the platform hammerin' a table for dear life an' to my order of thinkin' anybody must have been deaf as could n't have heard her hammerin', but she looked happy an' that was maybe the main thing, for a woman behind me whispered as the spirit of her with the hammer just filled the room. Well, I stood it as long as I could an' then I got up an' remarked frank an' open as if every one would keep still every one could easy hear. They all clapped at that, but the lady with the hammer could n't seem to even hear me an' hammered worse than ever all the while they was clappin'.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, to make a long story short it was n't very interestin'—I will even in confidence remark as I found it pretty dull. I read all my seven programs an' made out as the first day was give to greetin' an' the next to meetin'. The next was on trees an' the one after that they was all goin' to drive. An' so on, an' so on. Then I smelt my rose some, an' a thorn stuck into my nose some an' the hammerin' made me very tired an' finally a woman come in an' said I had her seat so I give it to her with a glad heart an' come out, an' I never was happier to do anythin' in my whole life before. But I was hardly out when a lady as I had n't seen yet see my little flag an' pounced on me an' said was I Miss Clegg? an' I did n't see nothin' to be gained by sayin' I was n't so I said Yes, I was.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, that was pretty near to bein' the beginnin' of my end. That woman hustled me into a carriage, give my valise to the driver an' told him to be quick. I was too dumb did up by her actions to be able to think of anythin' to say so I just sit still, an' she pinned a purple ribbon onto me an' told me she'd read two of my books an' died laughin' only to look at me. I was more than afraid as she was crazy but she talked so fast I could n't even see a chance to open my mouth so I did n't try.
"She said when they was gettin' ready for the convention an' dividin' up celebrities among themselves that she just took me right off. She said as she was goin' to give a lunch for me an' a dinner for me an' I don't know what all. She was still talkin' when the carriage stopped at a hotel.
"She said I must n't mind a hotel much 'cause her husband minded company more, an' I did n't see any sort of meanin' to her remark, but David in the lions' den was a roarin' lion himself compared to me that minute, so I just walked behind her an' she took me in an' up in a elevator an' into a room with a bathroom an' a bouquet an' there she told me to give her the key of the valise an' she'd unpack while I was in the bath tub.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I'm sure I never had no idea of needin' a bath that bad when I set off for the city to-day, an' you'll maybe be surprised at me bein' so wax about extra washin' in her hands, but I was so wild to get away from her an' her steady talk by that time, that I give her the key an' went into the bathroom an' made up my mind as I'd try a bath all over at once for the first time in my life, seein' as there did n't seem to be nothin' else to do, an' the tub was handy.
"So I undressed an' when I was undressed I begin to look where I was to leap. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you never see such a tub as that tub in all your life before! There was a hole in the middle of the bottom an' the more water run in the more water run out. At first I could n't see how I was goin' to manage but after a while I figured it out an' see as there was nothin' for me to do but to sit on that hole an' paddle like I was paid for it with both hands at once to keep from being scalded while the tub filled from two steady spurts one boilin' an' one of ice water. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I never felt nothin' like that kind of a bath before!
"If I tried to wash anywhere as was at all difficult I lost my grip on the hole an' the water went out with a swish as made Niagara look like a cow's tail afore I could possibly get in position again. I was n't more 'n halfway down my washin' when the awfulest noise begin outside an' the convention itself was babes sleepin' in soothin' syrup compared to whatever was goin' on in that next room.
"I tell you I got out of that tub in a hurry an' rubbed off as best I could with a very thick towel marked 'Bath' as was laid on the floor all ready, an' got into my clothes an' went out.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you may believe me or not just as you please, but it was another lady with another delegate with another purple ribbon an' another little flag. The ladies was very mad an' the other delegate was bitin' her lips an' lookin' out the window. In the end the ladies was so mad they went down to the telephone an' left the delegate an' me alone in the room together.