Susan Clegg and a Man in the House

by Anne Warner

THE FAR EASTERN TROPICS

"You look—" said Mrs. Lathrop, solicitously, one afternoon, when Susan Clegg had come around by the gate to enjoy a spell of mutual sitting and knitting.

"Well, I am," confessed Susan, unrolling her ball and drawing a long breath; "I may tell you in confidence, Mrs. Lathrop, as I really never was more so. What with havin' to look after Elijah's washin' an' his mendin' an' his cookin' an' his room, an' what with holdin' down his new ideas an' explainin' to people as he did n't mean what it sounds like when I ain't been able to hold 'em down, I do get pretty well wore out. I can see as Mr. Kimball sees how Elijah is wearin' on me for he gives me a chair whenever I go in there now an' that just shows how anxious he is for me to rest when I can, but it really ain't altogether Elijah's fault for the way my back aches to-day, for I got this ache in a way as you could n't possibly understand, Mrs. Lathrop, for I got it from sittin' up readin' a book last night as you or any ordinary person would of gone to sleep on the second page of an' slept clear through to the index; but I was built different from you an' ordinary persons, Mrs. Lathrop, an' if I'd thanked the Lord as much as I'd ought to for that I'd never have had time to do nothin' else in this world."

"What—" asked Mrs. Lathrop, with interest.

"It was a book," said her friend, beginning to knit assiduously—"a book as a boy he went to school with sent Mr. Fisher with a postal card, sayin' as every American man 'd ought to read it thoughtfully. Mrs. Fisher took it out of the post office an' read the postal card, an' she said right off as she did n't approve of Mr. Fisher's reading books as every man ought to know, so she let me have it to bring home an' read till she gets through makin' over her carpets. I brought the book home done up to look like it was a pie, an' I will frankly state, Mrs. Lathrop, as you could have dropped me dead out of any balloon when I found out what it was about. It was n't the kind of book the postal card would have led you to suppose a tall—it was about Asia, Mrs. Lathrop, the far side or the near side, just accordin' to the way you face to get the light while you read, an' so far from its bein' only intended for men it's all right for any one at all to read as has got the time. Now that I'm done it an' know I have n't never got to do it again, I don't mind telling you in confidence that for a book as could n't possibly have been meant to be interestin' it was about as agreeable readin' as I ever struck in my life. There was lots in it as was new to me, for it's a thick book, an' all I knowed about that part of the world before was as Java coffee comes from Java an' the Philippines from Spain. But I know it all now, an' Judge Fitch himself can't tell me nothin' from this day on that the man who wrote that book ain't told me first. I'll bet I know more about what that book 's about than any one in this community does, an' now that I know it I see why the man said what he did on the postal card for it is a book as every man ought to read, an' I read in the paper the other day as the main trouble with the men in America was as they knowed all about what they did n't know nothin' about, an' did n't know nothin' a tall about the rest."

"What—" began Mrs. Lathrop.

"But I don't see how the man that wrote it is ever goin' to make any money out of it," pursued her friend, "for it's pretty plain as it's every bit written about things that Americans don't want to really learn an' what the rest of the world learned long ago. If I was very patriotic I don't believe I'd have read it clear through to the end myself, but I ain't never felt any call to be patriotic since the boys throwed that firecracker into my henhouse last Fourth of July. I will say this for the hen, Mrs. Lathrop, an' that is that she took the firecracker a good deal calmer'n I could, for I was awful mad, an' any one as seed me ought to of felt what a good American was spoiled then an' there, for all I asked was to hit somethin', whether it was him as throwed the cracker or not an' that's what Judge Fitch always calls the real American spirit when he makes them band-stand speeches of his in the square. Oh my, though, but I wish you had n't reminded me of that hen, Mrs. Lathrop, her tail never will come in straight again I don't believe, an' she's forever hoppin' off her eggs to look out of the window since she had that scare."

Mrs. Lathrop frowned and looked very sympathetic.

"But about this book," Susan went on after a second of slightly saddened reflection. "I'm goin' to tell you all about it. Elijah 's goin' to write a editorial about it, too. Elijah says this business of downtreadin' our only colony has got to be stopped short right now as soon as he can call the government's attention to how to do it.

"Well, the book begins very mild an' pleasant with Hongkong an' it ends with the Philippine accounts. Seems Hongkong ain't Chinese for all it's named that an' growed there—it's English—an' as for the Philippines there's eight millions of 'em, not countin' the wild ones as they can't catch to count an' ask questions. In between Hongkong an' the Philippines the man who wrote the book runs around that part of the world pretty lively an' tells who owns it an' what kind of roads they've got an' who'd better govern 'em an' all like that. You might think from hearin' me as he sort of put on airs over knowin' so much himself, but it don't sound that way a tall in the book. It's when he finally got to the Philippines as any one can see as he really did begin to enjoy himself. He enjoyed himself so much that he really made me enjoy myself, too, although I can't in reason deny as I felt as I might not of been quite so happy only for that firecracker. The kind of things he says about our doin's in those countries is all what you don't get in the papers nor no other way, an' if the United States really feels they're in the right as to how they're actin' all they need to do is to read how wrong they are in that book where a man as really knows what he's talkin' about has got it all set down in black an' white. I don't believe it's generally knowed here in America as Dewey took Aguinaldo an' his guns over to Manila an' give him his first start at fightin' an' called him 'general' for a long time after they'd decided in Washington as how he was n't nothin' but a rebel after all. I never knowed anythin' about that, an' I will remark as I think there's many others as don't know it, neither, an' I may in confidence remark to you, Mrs. Lathrop, as that book leads me to think as the main trouble with the Philippines is as they are bein' run by folks as don't know anythin' about the place they're runnin' an' don't know nothin' about runnin' for anythin' but places. The man in the book says the Philippines ain't very well off being pacified, an' that the Americans ain't no great success pacifyin' 'em, for it seems as they made five thousand expeditions after 'em in one year, an' only got hold of five thousand natives in all. That's a expedition to a man, an' I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as it's small wonder we're taxed an' they're taxed, with some of our new fellow citizens as hard to grab as that. To my order of thinkin' it'd be wisest to let 'em chase each other for ten or twenty years first an' then when they was pretty well thinned out we could step in an' settle with the survivors; but accordin' to the man who wrote the book you can't never tell a American nothin', an' I must say that my own experience in this community has proved as he knows what he's sayin' all straight enough. He says the Philippines is in a very bad way, an' so is their roads, but he says that all the folks in this country is so dead satisfied with their way an' poor roads that they ain't goin' to do nothin' to help either along any."