Susan hooked herself on to the fence-rail with both her elbows preparatory to a lengthy debate; her eyes were bright, her expression one of unreserved exposition. Mrs. Lathrop continued to keep her eyes and mouth open, but reasons which will soon be known to the reader prevented her making another remark for a long time.
"Mrs. Lathrop, I may as well begin by goin' 'way back to the beginnin' of everythin' 'n' takin' you right in the hide and hair of my whole troubles. It ain't possible for you to realize what your rockin 's meant to me unless you understand to the full what I 've been goin' through 'n' crawlin' under these last weeks. I want to spare your feelin's all I can, for it ain't in me to be unkind to so much as a gooseberry, but I can't well see how you can keep from bein' some punched by remorse when you hear how I 've been cleanin' house with a heavy heart 'n' no new mop. That's what I 've been doin', Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' so help me Heaven, it's death or a new mop next year. The way that mop has skipped dirt 'n' dripped water!—well, seein' is the only believin' when it comes to mops, but all I can say is that you never looked more spotty than I have since that mop, 'n' you know how lookin' spotty is mortal agony to me—me not bein' one who can be happy rockin' on top of dirt.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I said I was goin' to begin at the beginnin', so I will, although the whole town knows as it was that fine scheme of Mr. Kimball's as set my ball bouncin' down hill. I was n't the only one as got rolled over 'n' throwed out feet up, but I don't know as bein' one of a number to lose money makes the money any more fun to lose. Mr. Dill was sayin' yesterday as he would n't have listened to nothin' but white for Lucy's weddin'-dress if it had n't been for Mr. Kimball 'n' his little scheme, but I don't get any great comfort out of knowin' that Lucy Dill 's got to try 'n' get herself married in her Aunt Samantha Dill's blue bengaline. The blue bengaline 's very handsome 'n' I never see a prettier arrangement of beads 'n' fringe, but every one says too much of Lucy shows at the top 'n' bottom to even be romantic. They can hook it, but Lucy can't stay hooked inside but five minutes at the outside. I 'm sure I don't see how they 'll ever fix it, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins says she cries whenever she thinks that at Hiram's weddin' the bride won't have no weddin'-dress. Polly Allen wanted Lucy to open the darts 'n' let in puffs like Mary Stuart's husbands always was puffed, but Lucy never see Mary Stuart 'n' the only picture in town of any of her husbands has got him in bed with the sheet drawed up to his chin 'n' his hands folded right on top of where they 'd want to copy the darts. Such a picture ain't no help a tall, so Lucy is still shakin' her head the same as at first. My idea would be to make no wish-bones about it 'n' just be married in her travelin'-dress 'n' then wear it when she goes away, but it seems she wants her travelin'-dress for church, 'n' does n't mean to wear it travelin' anyhow, because she 'n' Hiram is just wild over the no-one-knowin'-they 're-married idea, 'n' Lucy is goin' to wear old gloves 'n' some buttons off her shoes, 'n' Hiram is goin' to wear his mother's spectacles 'n' Mr. Shores' store umbrella. Gran'ma Mullins feels awful over Hiram's goin' away like that; she says she 's brought him up so neat 'n' always a vest on Sunday 'n' only shirt-sleeves in summer, 'n' now to think of him goin' off on his weddin'-trip in Mr. Shores' umbrella!—but Lucy don't care—nor Hiram neither—'n' they 're goin' to take along a piece of sand-paper 'n' sand-paper the shine off the ring on the train. Polly Allen 'n' the deacon is laughin' to fits over them. Everythin' 's very different with Polly 'n' the deacon. The deacon says it ain't in reason as a man of sixty-two can look forward to many more weddin's, 'n' he 's goin' to sit with his arm around Polly, 'n' he don't care who chooses to suspeck they 're weddin'-trippin'. They 're goin' to be all new clothes right through to their skins, 'n' Polly 's goin' to have a orange-blossom bunch on her hat. The deacon says he 'll pay for all the rice folks are willin' to throw, 'n' it 's a open secret as he 's goin' to give the minister a gold piece. The minister was smilin' all over town about it until Mr. Kimball told him he see a gold quarter-of-a-dollar once. He's hopin' for a five, but Mr. Shores says he knows positive as the deacon got two two-dollar-and-a-halfs at the bank when his wife died, and he gave one to the minister then 'n' probably he 's been savin' the other to get married again with."
Susan paused for breath—a vital necessity—and then went on:
"But dear me, Mrs. Lathrop, all that ain't what I set out to tell you, 'n' even if it's a pleasure to you to hear it, it ain't in reason as I should take my time to talk to you about other people's affairs. You may be interested in other people's affairs, but I ain't, 'n' we started to talk about mine 'n' what I set out to talk about I talk about or else I stay at home. It was my troubles as I was goin' to make a clean high breast of, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' I 'll lay any odds as by the time I get through you 'll have little feelin' to sleep in you. The Lord says, 'To him who hath shall be given,' 'n' I will in confidence remark as I 've just been achin' to give it to you for these many days. You 've always been poor, but you 've never seemed to mind; now I 'm poor (yes, Mrs. Lathrop, jump if you like"—for Mrs. Lathrop had started in surprise—"but it 's so) 'n' I mind; I mind very much, I mind all up 'n' down and kitty-cornered crossways, 'n' if I keep on gettin' poor, Lord have mercy on you, for I shall certainly not be able to look on calmly at no great amount of rockin'."
Mrs. Lathrop stared widely—and gasped openly. Susan continued:
"It all began with Mr. Kimball 'n' his gettin' the fever of speckilation. Mr. Kimball said he thought he 'd rather get rich quick than not get rich at all. That was the way he put it 'n' it sounded so sensible 't I felt to agree. Then he begin to unfold how (he had the newspaper in his hand), 'n' as soon as he was unfolded I read the advertisement. It was a very nice advertisement an' no patent medicine could have sounded easier to take in. You buy two rubber trees 'n' then wait two years 'n' get fifty per cent till you die. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I went over that advertisement fifty times to try 'n' see what to do 'n' yet the more I studied it the less faith I had in it somehow. The picture of the man who tended the trees was up on top 'n' little pictures of him made a kind of pearl frame around the whole, 'n' he was honest enough lookin', as far as I could judge, but—as I told Mr. Kimball—what was to guarantee us as he 'd stick to the same job steady, 'n' I certainly did n't have no longin' in me to buy a rubber tree in southeast Peru 'n' then leave it to be hoed around by Tom, Dick, 'n' Harry. So I shook my head 'n' said 'no' in the end 'n' then we looked up railway stocks. Mr. Kimball read me a list of millionaires 'n' he asked me if I would n't like to be called 'Susan Clegg, queen of the Western Pacific'—but I 'm too old to be caught by any such chaff, 'n' I told him so to his face, and then it was that we come to his favorite scheme of the 'Little Flyer in Wheat.' That was what he called it, 'n' I must say that I think it's a pretty good name, only if I know myself I 'll buy wheat as never sets down hereafter.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, it took a deal of talkin' 'n' Mr. Kimball had to do a lot of figgerin' before my eyes afore I was ready to believe him when he said as five of us could go in together 'n' double our money every few days for a month or so. He showed me as what he was figgerin' from was printed in plain letters 'n' red ink in a city paper, 'n' after a while I opened my mouth 'n' swallowed the whole thing, red ink 'n' all. Mr. Kimball, Mr. Dill, Mr. Shores, me, 'n' me over again, was the five, 'n' we bought the share right off, fully believin' as we 'd begin the wheat-flyin' the same way—" Susan paused and set her teeth a little vigorously for a moment,—then:
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, that was the way it all begun, 'n' I can lay my hand anywhere 'n' swear as all my bad luck is founded solid on Mr. Kimball in consequence. The very day after we begun with our fly instid of doublin' he halved in the mornin' paper 'n' it seemed we 'd got to buy him all over again or it was good-by Johnny. Me bein' the only one with money known to be ready 'n' idle they brought the paper to me to save the share, 'n' I can only say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I wish as you could have seen their faces when they saw mine. I saw I was a lamb sittin' among the sharks, but I see, too, as I 'd have to come to time 'n' I got the money, 'n' then we set down—Mr. Dill, Mr. Shores, 'n' me—to figger on how much of the share was mine on the new deal. It struck me, 'n' it strikes me now, 'n' it always will strike me, as any one as owns two-fifths of a thing and then buys the whole thing over again owns seven-fifths of it from then on, but Mr. Dill had the face to tell me to my face as it wa'n't so at all. He figgered the share at 100 'n' us paid down at 50 'n' me all together as aggravatin' up to 45, 'n' I could only sit starin' 'n' stark ravin' dumb to see where he would come out after that. I did n't say nothin' of what I felt to him or Mr. Shores, for the very good reason as I wanted to save all my feelin's for Mr. Kimball, but I tell you that a volcano gettin' itself made in the beginnin' is floatin' lily-pads beside the inside of me that hour.
"I went down-town that afternoon 'n' I aired myself pretty thoroughly over the whole town, I can assure you. Mr. Allen said I 'd better pocket my loss 'n' give up dabblin' in stocks, but I did n't see no great sense in what he said. I did n't have nothin' to pocket, everything was gone,—'n' so far as dabblin' goes I wa'n't dabblin', I was in up to my nose. But Mr. Kimball come out as brassy as a bass-drum 'n' showed me a picture of wheat layin' on his back in bed takin' a tonic with four doctors doin' up his room work for him. The doctors was all millionaires on that stock list of railroads 'n' I counted on their knowin' what they were givin' him, so I come home quite a little easier, 'n' that night I slept like a ton of hay. But the next day!—my Lord alive, you remember the next day, don't you, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' it must have been arsenic as them four had put in his bottle, for I was up in the garret makin' a thistle-down pillow 'n' there come Ed tearin' up on his bicycle to tell me as I must stick in ten dollars more on a margin. 'On a what?' I hollered from the window. 'On a margin,' he hollered from under the porch. Well, really, Mrs. Lathrop, I do believe if he had n't been under the porch I would have throwed something down on him. My, but I was mad! I come down that garret-ladder like a greased pan 'n' I tied my bonnet on 'n' walked straight in on Mr. Kimball. That was one time as he did very little jokin', 'n' in the end he put in five of the ten himself 'n' then we both sat down 'n' tried to figger out as to how much of that share we each owned. I will confess as takin' down stoves was lookin' out of the window beside that job, 'n' in the end he made out as that if the share was worth the whole of itself I 'd own half, but bein' worth only what had happened to it there was n't the half in the whole. So I come home 'n' dreamed nothin' but nightmares runnin' wildly up 'n' down me.