Mrs. Lathrop was waiting by the fence, impatience written with a wandering reflection all over the serenity of her every-day expression. Susan only waited to lay aside her bonnet and mitts and then hastened to the fence herself.
"Mrs. Lathrop, you never saw nor heard the like of this weddin' day in all your own ays to be or to come, 'n' I don't suppose there ever will be anything like it again, for Lucy Dill did n't cut no figger in her own weddin' a tall,—the whole thing was Gran'ma Mullins first, last 'n' forever hereafter. I tell you it looked once or twice as if it would n't be a earthly possibility to marry Hiram away from his mother, 'n' now that it 's all over people can't do anything but say as after all Lucy ought to consider herself very lucky as things turned out, for if things had n't turned out as they did turn out I don't believe anything on earth could have unhooked that son, 'n' I 'm willin' to swear that anywhere to any one.
"Do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, that Gran'ma Mullins was so bad off last night as they had to put a mustard plaster onto her while Hiram went to see Lucy for the last time, 'n' Mrs. Macy says as she never hear the beat o' her memory, for she says she 'll take her Bible oath as Gran'ma Mullins told her what Hiram said 'n' done every minute o' his life while he was gone to see Lucy Dill. 'N' she cried, too, 'n' took on the whole time she was talkin' 'n' said Heaven help her, for nobody else could, 'n' she just knowed Lucy 'd get tired o' Hiram's story 'n' he can't be happy a whole day without he tells it, 'n' she 's most sure Lucy won't like his singin' 'Marchin' Through Georgia' after the first month or two, 'n' it 's the only tune as Hiram has ever really took to. Mrs. Macy says she soon found she could n't do nothin' to stem the tide except to drink tea 'n' listen, so she drank an' listened till Hiram come home about eleven. Oh, my, but she says they had the time then! Gran'ma Mullins let him in herself, 'n' just as soon as he was in she bu'st into floods of tears 'n' would n't let him loose under no consideration. She says Hiram managed to get his back to the wall for a brace 'cause Gran'ma Mullins nigh to upset him every fresh time as Lucy come over her, 'n' Mrs. Macy says she could n't but wonder what the end was goin' to be when, toward midnight, Hiram just lost patience 'n' dodged out under her arm 'n' ran up the ladder to the roof-room 'n' they could n't get him to come down again. She says when Gran'ma Mullins realized as he would n't come down she most went mad over the notion of her only son's spendin' the Christmas Eve to his own weddin' sleepin' on the floor o' the attic 'n' she wanted to poke the cot up to him, but Mrs. Macy says she drew the line at cot-pokin' when the cot was all she 'd have to sleep on herself, 'n' in the end they poked quilts up, 'n' pillows, 'n' doughnuts 'n' cider 'n' blankets, 'n' Hiram made a very good bed on the floor 'n' they all got to sleep about three o'clock.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, what do you think? What do you think? They was so awful tired that none of 'em woke till Mrs. Sperrit come at eleven next day to take 'em to the weddin'! Mrs. Macy says she hopes she 'll be put forward all her back-slidin's if she ever gets such a start again. She says when she peeked out between the blinds 'n' see Mrs. Sperrit's Sunday bonnet 'n' realized her own state she nearly had a fit. Mrs. Sperrit had to come in 'n' be explained to, 'n' the worst of it was as Hiram could n't be woke no-how. He 'd pulled the ladder up after him 'n' put the lid on the hole so 's to feel safe, 'n' there he was snug as a bug in a rug 'n' where no human bein' could get at him. They hollered 'n' banged doors 'n' sharpened the carvin' knife an' poured grease on the stove 'n' did anything they could think of, but he never budged. Mrs. Macy says she never was so close to beside herself in all her life before, for Gran'ma Mullins cried worse 'n ever each minute, 'n' Hiram seemed like the very dead could n't wake him.
"They was all hoppin' around half crazy when Mr. Sperrit come along on his way to the weddin' 'n' his wife run out 'n' told him what was the matter 'n' he come right in 'n' looked up at the matter. It did n't take long for him to unsettle Hiram, Mrs. Macy says. He got a sulphur candle 'n' tied it to a stick 'n' h'isted the lid with another stick, 'n' in less 'n two minutes they could all hear Hiram sneezin' an' comin' to. 'N' Mrs. Macy says when they hollered what time it was she wishes the whole town might have been there to see Hiram Mullins come down to earth. Mr. Sperrit did n't hardly have time to get out o' the way 'n' he did n't give his mother no show for one single grab,—he just bounced into his room 'n' you could have heard him gettin' dressed on the far side o' the far bridge.
"O' course, us at Lucy's did n't know anythin' a tall about Mrs. Macy's troubles. We had our own, Heaven help us, 'n' they was enough, for the very first thing of all Mr. Dill caught his pocket on the corner of Mrs. Dill 'n' come within a ace of pullin' her off her easel. That would have been a pretty beginnin' to Lucy's weddin' day if her father had smashed her mother's glass to bits, I guess, but it could n't have made Lucy any worse; for I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I never see no one in all my born life act foolisher than Lucy Dill this day. First she 'd laugh 'n' then she 'd cry 'n' then she 'd lose suthin' as we 'd got to have to work with. 'N' when it come to dressin' her!—well, if she 'd known as Hiram was sleepin' a sleep as next to knowed no wakin' she could n't have put on more things wrong side out an' hind side before! She was n't dressed till most every one was there 'n' I was gettin' pretty anxious, for Hiram was n't there neither, 'n' the more fidgety people got the more they caught their corners on Mrs. Dill. I just saved her from Mr. Kimball, 'n' Amelia saw her goin' as a result o' Judge Fitch 'n' hardly had time for a jump. The minister himself was beginnin' to cough when, all of a sudden, some one cried as the Sperrits was there.
"Well, we all squeezed to the window, 'n' such a sight you never saw. They was gettin' Gran'ma Mullins out 'n' Hiram was tryin' to keep her from runnin' the color of his cravat all down his shirt while she was sobbin' 'Hi-i-i-i-ram, Hi-i-i-i-i-ram', in a voice as would wring your very heart dry. They got her out 'n' got her in an' got her upstairs, 'n' we all sat down 'n' begin to get ready while Amelia played 'Lead, Kindly Light' and 'The Joyous Farmer' alternate, 'cause she'd mislaid her Weddin' March.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you never knowed nothin' like it!—we waited, 'n' we waited, 'n' we waited, 'n' the minister most coughed himself into consumption, 'n' Mrs. Dill got caught on so often that Mr. Kimball told Ed to stand back of her 'n' hold her to the easel every minute. Amelia was just beginning over again for the seventeenth time when at last we heard 'em bumpin' along downstairs. Seems as all the delay come from Lucy's idea o' wantin' to walk with her father 'n' have a weddin' procession, instid o' her 'n' Hiram comin' in together like Christians 'n' lettin' Mr. Dill hold Gran'ma Mullins up anywhere. Polly says she never see such a time as they had of it; she says fightin' wolves was layin' lambs beside the way they talked. Hiram said frank 'n' open as the reason he did n't want to walk in with his mother was he was sure she would n't let him out to get married, but Lucy was dead set on the procession idea. So in the end they done it so, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins's sobs fairly shook the house as they come through the dinin'-room door. Lucy was first with her father 'n' they both had their heads turned backward lookin' at Hiram 'n' his mother.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, it was certainly a sight worth seein'! The way that Gran'ma Mullins was glued on! All I can say is as octopuses has got their backs turned in comparison to the way that Hiram seemed to be all wrapped up in her. It looked like wild horses, not to speak of Lucy Dill, would n't never be able to get him loose enough to marry him. The minister was scared; we was all scared. I never see a worse situation to be in.
"They come along through the back parlor, Lucy lookin' back, Mr. Dill white as a sheet, 'n' Hiram walkin' like a snow-plough as is n't sure how long it can keep on makin' it. It seemed like a month as they was under way before they finally got stopped in front o' the minister. 'N' then come the time! Hiram had to step beside Lucy 'n' take her hand 'n' he could n't! We all just gasped. There was Hiram tryin' to get loose 'n' Mr. Dill tryin' to help him. Gran'ma Mullins's tears dripped till you could hear 'em, but she hung on to Hiram like he 'd paid for it. They worked like Trojan beavers, but as fast as they 'd get one side of him uncovered she 'd take a fresh wind-round. I tell you, we all just held our breath, 'n' I bet Lucy was sorry she persisted in havin' a procession when she see the perspiration runnin' off her father 'n' poor Hiram.