"Well, I must tell you that I had to take a severe-looking old dowager in to dinner that evening. She was very rich, I suppose, for I remember that the flashing of her diamonds made me quite nervous, especially as she had a sharp way of suddenly turning round to speak to one with a kind of jerk, which made me jump, and more than, once I nearly dropped my spoon or fork, or whatever it chanced to be. I must also mention that this good lady was also very fat and very ugly. Well, matters went on pretty well altogether until dessert. I had just had my glass filled with port, when suddenly a voice on my right said, 'Mr. Danvers, may I trouble you to crack these filberts for me?' I turned so suddenly, that before I saw what I was doing my elbow had overturned the glass of port, and away it went in one remorseless stream down the old lady's gown. I was so horrified at the awful catastrophe that I sat helpless, as if stunned, and the old lady was just about to pour forth a torrent of wrathful reproaches on to my defenceless head, her eyes meanwhile flashing as much as her diamonds, when a man sitting on the other side of her (a fellow of about my own age now) suddenly jumped up, seized a decanter of sherry, and saying hastily, 'Allow me, madam,' he quietly and deliberately poured a good half of its contents upon the gown where the darker wine had left a deep red stain."
"Good gracious!" exclaims Doris with wide-open eyes, "was that to take the old lady's attention from off you?"
"Well, yes and no," says Colonel Danvers taking up a pear and slowly peeling it with great nicety; "but the fact is I didn't wait to see, for the much ill-used lady, on receiving what she thought to be an insult added to the injury she had sustained, flew, so to speak, at this gentleman, one Major Carpenter; and seeing that for the moment my very existence was forgotten, I must confess that I was cowardly enough to slip out of my place unperceived and into the hall, where a good-natured young footman, who had seen the whole thing, I suppose, opened the library door, remarking as he did so, 'There's a nice fire in here, sir.' You see, I couldn't go into the drawing-room when even the ladies had not left the table."
"Poor old lady!" says Doris, cracking nuts perseveringly; "she must have been put out with such outrageous behaviour on the part of two gentlemen. Now, don't you think so?"
"Well, I don't know. You say 'poor old lady,' but you never give a thought to the agonies of mind which I suffered. You are rather hard on me, I think."
"Well, but you were rather cowardly, by your own confession you were, to run off and leave Major Carpenter to bear the full brunt of the old lady's displeasure. O yes, it certainly was very bad of you!"
"Ah! yes, I suppose it was," says the colonel, leaning back in his chair; "and yet, Doris, since that time I have stood before a cannon's mouth without flinching. I have ridden across an open plain with, not cannon, but shot of all description 'to right of me' and 'to left of me,' without so much as a friendly shrub to protect me from the sight of the enemy. Oh! I assure you, that was a very warm position in more senses than one. However, here I am still, safe and sound; but I verily believe if I spilt a glass of port upon another old lady's dress I should feel just as inclined to turn coward and run away as ever, for the truth must be told, Doris, ever since that eventful night I have felt a mortal antipathy, not unmixed with fear, in the company of fat, cross old ladies."
Doris sits silent for a few seconds, giving her attention to the pear which Colonel Danvers has just put upon her plate. Then she says, "You haven't told me yet what your friend threw the sherry upon the dress for?"
"No, neither I have. Well, the sherry it seems, if poured over a ready-made stain of port-wine, takes it out, only leaving a sort of ring round the place, which, I suppose, can be easily removed with a little ordinary cleaning. Somebody explained afterwards to the old lady why Major Carpenter had done it, and in a few days he received a note from her, thanking him for the service he had rendered her on the occasion of Mrs. Mordant's dinner-party, and begging to apologize for any little annoyance she might possibly have shown when the accident occurred. Ever after that evening she designated me as 'that young man, Mr. Danvers,' whilst my friend was 'that charming Major Carpenter.' There's your mother, Doris, signalling for the ladies' departure. You must tell me all about these theatricals in the drawing-room afterwards, will you?"
Arrived upstairs, Doris makes at once for a secluded niche draped with curtains in one of the windows, wherein she knows she will find Honor ensconced, probably with a book.