“We have to-day received a note, saying that, unless we have new facts to lay before them, the Charity Commissioners adhere to their decision, though they will hear what we have to say on Thursday. This means that the Upper School must be left as it is, and the Camden be begun.
“There seems no outlook. On the whole, matters look very gloomy. I have been struggling so much against a sort of sick despair that I am literally sore all over. The revulsion from hope to a state of hopelessness has produced on me the strange bodily soreness alluded to.
“There seems only one chance, and that is, to give an annual sum of £800 or £1000 a year towards the debt out of my income from the school, and to make my friends insist on the plans being carried out. If, in addition, we raise the fees one guinea per annum, i.e. 7s. per term, we shall realize another £500, and the saving of rent, when buildings are completed, will add another £300. All this could be applied to paying the debt, so that the debt could soon be paid off, supposing the school to go on successfully.
“The discipline of life is very hard, and one’s faith is not as strong as it ought to be. I do try to cast all my care on Him, who careth even for me; but it is very, very hard to cling closely.
“I have to go to Cheltenham to-morrow. I shall not be home until late on Saturday night.
“No doubt the sun is still shining behind the clouds! Perhaps even these may clear off in some unexpected way.”
“Feb. 13, 1877.
“Yesterday’s meeting went smoothly. Miss Ewart was very kind. She told me in my room that she was quite sorry for me and that she sympathized strongly.
“Mr. Buxton and Mr. Worsley, as representatives of the donors of the money, mean to protest against abandoning the Upper School, or delaying its buildings. Mr. Lee and Mr. Thorold also will make a stand; the former is coming up on purpose. I will send you a line to say what hope there is.
“We have another meeting on Monday, of which you have probably had notice.