Never had I seen him like this nor dreamed that he could be so fierce and resolute. I felt dizzy and bewildered. I felt the bats of madness flying in my brain. I raised my eyes with a scornful smile to his: how could he keep me against my will?
As if he had divined my thought he bent forward with his passionate face close to mine. “Do not think you can escape me,” he said. “Do not imagine it for a moment. Mura, I know you well. You need to be mastered, and I shall master you. As long as I live, remember—as long as I live you shall not escape me.”
These words seemed to pierce my dizzy brain like red-hot needles. “As long as he lives I shall not escape him. As long as he lives—!”
I raised my eyes and looked at him; then I drooped my lashes—and smiled.
The subtle cunning of madness stirred within me.
XXXI
Paul Kamarowsky appeared not to notice it. He continued to speak agitatedly, holding my unwilling hand in his.
“I know, Mura, that you have done many unworthy things in the course of your life; I know that you are not what I would have you be; but my pity for your misfortunes is far greater than my resentment at your faults. I know that you are ill; I know that you have had none but rakes and reprobates around you; it shall be my duty to strengthen you and uphold you with my love. I will help you, Mura, whether you wish it or not; I will save you in spite of yourself.”
Ah, miserable creature that I was, why did I not throw myself upon his mercy and confide my doubts and my despair to his generous heart? Why did I not surrender my poor sick soul to his keeping? This was indeed the last time that salvation opened its haven to my shipwrecked soul; but I knew it not, and like a boat adrift in the darkness I swept on towards the storm.