If a married lady is present, and dancing while her husband is in the room, a person desiring her for a partner should first be sure that it is agreeable to the husband for him to offer his hand to the lady.
If a crowd is present, and a gentleman has occasion to make his way through a press of crinoline and drapery, he should proceed most carefully—haste would be very rude and inexcusable; the danger of soiling, or tearing, or disarranging a lady's costume forbids any gentleman making a careless step.
If it is necessary to step in front of a lady in passing, always apologize for the step; otherwise she may very properly think you do not know what belongs to good manners. A lady is always pleased with an apology if it is gracefully and kindly made; and no gentleman will ever suffer such an occasion to pass in silence, without he really designs an affront, or except he is absolutely ignorant of what is proper and respectful.
A good authority before us says:—In a quadrille, or other dance, while awaiting the music, or while unengaged, a lady and gentleman should avoid long conversations, as they are apt to interfere with the progress of the dance; while, on the other hand, a gentleman should not stand like an automaton, as though he were afraid of his partner, but endeavor to render himself agreeable by those "airy nothings" which amuse for the moment, and are in harmony with the occasion. You should, however, not only on such occasions, but invariably, avoid the use of slang terms and phrases, they being, to the last degree, vulgar and objectionable. Indeed, one of the charms of conversation consists in the correct use of language. Dr. Johnson, whose reputation as a talker was hardly less than that which he acquired as a writer, prided himself on the appositeness of his quotations, the choice of his words, and the correctness of his expressions. Had he lived in this "age of progress," he would have discovered that his Lexicon was not only incomplete, but required numerous emendations. We can fancy the irritable moralist endeavoring to comprehend the idea which a young lady wishes to convey, when she expresses the opinion that a bonnet is "awful," or a young gentleman of his coat, when he asserts that it is "played out!" If any one thing marks a person's "bringing up," it is the language used in company; and it may be set down as an almost invariable rule, that any one who uses slang words, who talks loudly and rudely, who utters an oath, or who becomes angered and expresses it, is no gentleman, and has not had good associations. For a lady to be guilty of even one of these sins, is too palpably inexcusable to need remark.
The author quoted above, adds this excellent advice upon a very common ball-room sin, viz.: scandal and strictures upon a person's appearance, dress, etc. He says:—"There is a custom which is sometimes practiced both in the assembly-room and at private parties, which can not be too strongly reprehended,—we allude to the habit of ridicule and ungenerous criticism of those who are ungraceful, or otherwise obnoxious to censure, which is indulged in by the thoughtless, particularly among the dancers. Of its gross impropriety and vulgarity we need hardly express an opinion; but there is such an utter disregard for the feelings of others implied in this kind of negative censorship, that we can not forbear to warn our young readers to avoid it. The 'Koran' says: 'Do not mock—the mocked may be better than the mocker.' Those you condemn may not have had the same advantages as yourself in acquiring grace or dignity, while they may be infinitely superior in purity of heart and mental accomplishments. The advice of Chesterfield to his son, in his commerce with society, to do as you would be done by, is founded on the Christian precept, and worthy of commendation. Imagine yourself the victim of others' ridicule, and you will cease to indulge in a pastime which only gains for you the hatred of those you satirize, if they chance to observe you, and the contempt of others who have noticed your violation of politeness, and abuse of true sociality."
Ladies will always be careful of their associates. At the public ball are occasionally to be found persons whose acquaintance it is not proper to make. The young female is ever the cynosure of all eyes, and can not comport herself too strictly, nor choose her partners too carefully. It is not best to be "prudish," but it is right and necessary to be cautious and discreet.
In walking up or down the room the lady should always be accompanied by a gentleman; it is quite improper to saunter around alone.
When a young lady declines dancing with a gentleman, it is her duty to give him a reason why, although some thoughtless ones do not. No matter how frivolous it may be, it is simply an act of courtesy to offer him an excuse; while, on the other hand, no gentleman ought so far to compromise his self-respect as to take the slightest offence at seeing a lady by whom he has just been refused, dance immediately after with some one else. A lady has a hundred motives for conduct which she can not explain; and for a gentleman to take offence at her simple declination to dance is very silly and unmanly.
During the act of dancing all parties should have on their summer looks. Dancing is rightly supposed to be an enjoyment, but the somber countenances of some who engage in it, might almost lead to the belief that it were a solemn duty being performed. If, says a shrewd observer, those who laugh in church would transfer their merriment to the assembly-room, and those who are sad in the assembly-room would carry their gravity to the church, they both might discover the appositeness of Solomon's declaration, that "there is a time to be merry and a time to be sad."
It should ever be the study of both sexes to render themselves agreeable. Gentlemen, as we have said, should avoid showing marked preference to particular ladies, by devoting their undivided attentions to them, or dancing exclusively with them. Too often, the "belle of the evening," with no other charms than beauty of form and feature, monopolizes the regards of a circle of admirers, while modest merit, of less personal attraction, is both overlooked and neglected. We honor the generous conduct of those, particularly the "well-favored," who bestow their attentions on ladies who, from conscious lack of beauty, least expect them. The real man of sense will not fail to recognize most solicitously any lady who may seem neglected or unattended.