As we have said, all true politeness is founded in kindness and unselfishness. Nowhere is there a better chance for its better display than in the family circle. Here we may be certain that it springs from genuine goodness, as there is nothing to be gained by its practice, except the reward which comes from all well-doing. We may say that in no place is there so much need of its exercise, in order to keep the wheels of life running smoothly; for "family jars," as they are laughingly called, are very apt to occur, unless the oil of kindness is used to subdue the friction. Children should always show their parents that respect and tenderness which is their due. Even where they may consider that they have been unjustly dealt with, it is well for them to remember their own inexperience, that, possibly, their judgment may not be as perfect as they now believe it to be; and that, at all events, the love and care bestowed upon them, in the helpless days of their childhood, entitle their parents to regard and consideration.
For children to place their parents in a ridiculous light before others, mocking their defects, or appearing too conscious of their old-fashioned manners, is only a proof of their own weakness, and will lessen them in the esteem of any amiable person.
For children to assume the most comfortable chairs, the most conspicuous places, or, in any way, to intrude themselves first, to the neglect of then parents, is a very grave fault.
It is desirable to take the first step in the courtesies of the day, which engender so much pleasant feeling, by meeting the different members of the family with a cheerful "Good-morning."
It is highly desirable that, at table, the same rules of precedence, the same moderation and nicety be observed which would be practiced if guests were present. Fixed habits of politeness will only be attained where they are cultivated at home.
No scrambling, haste, untidiness, or noise should be allowed among the younger members of the circle. They should be made to wait quietly until their elders are served, to eat without unseemly greediness, and drink without labored breathing or spasmodic sounds. If early trained to propriety, it will not be necessary to banish them from the table every time that company is present. Such banishment will tend to make them awkward and lacking in self-possession; though, of course, well-governed children will wait cheerfully when there is necessity for it.
A pleasant "thank you," or "I'm obliged to you," spoken by one sister to another, to a brother, or a mother, for a favor conferred, will last, even in a selfish point of view; for it will increase the disposition to be kind, and will lighten the burden of any little service unmistakably. Children should never press around a visitor with the question, "How long are you going to stay?" nor around a relative or parent, returned from an absence, with, "What have you brought me?" "Did you bring me any thing pretty?" If they have reason to expect a present, let them refrain from alluding to it, lest the friend should suspect they thought more of the gift than of welcoming the giver.
If a new member enters the family, as the bride of a brother, or the husband of a sister, true good-breeding can never appear to better advantage, than in the kind reception and treatment of the new-comer. Ideas and habits in such an one, differing from those of the circle into which he or she may have come, should not be too severely criticised; for, it should be remembered, they have probably been differently educated. Even faults should be as charitably viewed as possible; and where respect and love are impossible, it is still best for those who must dwell together, to exercise Christian forbearance, and not forget such courtesies as the case admits of.
If you have invited guests, forget your own pleasure in consulting theirs; never do or say a rude thing to a guest. Many a jest, sarcasm, inattention, or slight, which would be excusable anywhere else, becomes a rudeness if it happens under your own roof to a person calling upon or visiting you. Even in a friendly argument, be careful not to forget yourself, and take sides too warmly against your opponent, if he be also your visitor or guest.
If you have extended a special invitation to a friend at a distance to come and remain with you for a time, if the friend be a lady, and arrives by any public conveyance, have yourself, your carriage, or some messenger at the spot of arrival to conduct her to your residence. The house should be in good order, that she may not feel disconcerted, nor that she is an intruder. Have all things prepared to give her a cheerful welcome. Let her not suffer from the neglect to provide for her comfort those things which she would not like to be compelled to ask for. Her room should be well supplied with the means of bathing and refreshing herself, and for arranging her toilet. The bureau should have empty drawers for the accommodation of her muslins, and the closet empty pegs for the reception of her dresses. She should be consulted as to the kind of bed she prefers, and allowed to retire early, the first evening, if fatigued with her journey. As some people are in the habit of sleeping under more covering than others, there should be a certainty of plenty, especially if the weather be chilly or changeable.