"By the concise and business-like character of your letter of inquiry we know that you would be very successful in the sale of our typewriters. This personal and confidential circular letter is sent only to a few of our selected correspondents whom we believe can be placed as general agents."
* * * * *
As a matter of fact, the gentleman to whom this letter was sent had written with a lead pencil on a post card asking for further particulars regarding propositions to salesmen. It is a good illustration of the form letter gone wrong. The inquirer had not written a concise and business-like letter and there was not the slightest reason why the firm should send him a personal and confidential proposition and if the proposition were really confidential, it would not be printed in a circular letter.
Here is the opening paragraph of a letter typical in its lack of originality and attention-getting qualities:
"We are in receipt of yours of recent date and in reply wish to state that you will find under separate cover a copy of our latest catalogue, illustrating and describing our Wonder Lighting System. We are sure the information contained in this catalogue will be of interest to you."
* * * * *
Not only is the paragraph devoid of interest-getting features, but it is written from the wrong standpoint—"we" instead of "you."
Re-write the paragraph and the reader is certain to have his interest stimulated:
"The catalogue is too large to enclose with this letter and so you will find it in another envelope. You will find on page 4 a complete description of the Wonder System of Lighting, explaining just how it will cut down your light bill. This system is adapted to use in stores, factories, public halls and homes—no matter what you want you will find it listed in this catalogue."
* * * * *