“He had never been in a similar position before, and was so ignorant of the first principles of horsemanship that a donkey might lead him to destruction.
“No felonious design lurked in my client’s head. Steal the horse! Why, gentlemen of the jury (this with a persuasive simper), you might just as well, and with equal propriety, accuse me—me, Mr. Earwig—of wishing to run away with the box in which you are at this moment sitting. (A murmur of incredulity arose from the body of the court, which was instantly suppressed by the energetic efforts of the usher.)
“‘No, no, gentlemen, the poor young man whose prospects in life are already partially ruined, owing to his having been placed in the ignominious position in which he is by the precipitancy of the sitting magistrate who committed him for trial; whose character has been aspersed, and whose prospects have been blighted through a strange perversion of the truth, and a misconception of actual facts, never—I say it emphatically, never—contemplated an offence against the common law of the land.’ (Applause, and “hear, hear,” from a juryman.)
“‘Acquit him, gentlemen. You are not the slaves of prejudice. Do your duty as is meet and proper for men of standing and position. Why should you wreak an imaginary vengeance upon an innocent man, for innocent he is, in spite of the allegations that have been made to the contrary? Let him go his ways, gentlemen of the jury, and none of you will sleep the worse for it.’
“Mr. Earwig sat down in a state of moisture, arising from perspiration and exertion, but his arguments were not so availing with the jury as I would have wished them to be; they found me guilty, and I made the acquaintance with the interior of the State Prison. Profit by my experience, my dear Johannes. If you are of an ascetic turn of mind, and wish to mortify the flesh, by all means step within the pale of the criminal law, and get brought up before the district judge. You will not forget your interview with that terrible functionary in a hurry. I have seen him once, and I do not want to renew my acquaintance with him. Since that delightful period of my existence I have played the part of the monkey who made use of a cat’s-paw to pull the chesnuts out of the fire for him. You, my accommodating Johannes, are my cat’s-paw. The coins which you bring me from the G.P.O are the chesnuts. My heart overflows with gratitude to you. I regard you as my benefactor, and I wish I could promote you in some way. The days in which Jack Sheppards and Dick Turpins flourished have gone by, but you might be a Redpath or a Dean Paul; I think you have talent enough for a Redpath, and I don’t think you would make a bad Roupell.’
“‘When you have ended your nonsense I shall be glad if you will tell me,’ exclaimed Brown, who had been fretting and fuming during this lengthy speech.
“‘My good, my excellent Johannes,’ replied Mr. Wareham, suavely, ‘I have scarcely commenced.’
“‘What I want to know is, how much longer this game is to last?’
“‘I can tell you,” said Wareham. ‘If you can manage to nail a certainty—by that I mean something worth having—we will divide the swag, and you can go to Mexico when you like. I shall not endeavour to stop you. Can’t you rob the California mail? Get yourself put on night duty; do something. If you go on like this, you will get bowled out at last, and we shall have to throw the sponge up.’
No. 65.