But the legislature, that is, “the collective wisdom of the nation,” aware of thy disposition to gullibility, has, John, taken thy affair of coals into its paternal and law-making consideration, and has made some regulations, as to the possibility of thy receiving “good and lawful” weight. They are as follow:—To ensure lawful weight to the purchaser, and prevent frauds in the sale and delivery of coals, the vender of all coals exceeding 560lbs. is to cause the carman to deliver a paper or ticket to the purchaser before he shoots any of the coals out of his cart or waggon, specifying the number of tons, the description of the coals, and the weight of the sack. And a weighing machine is to be carried in such cart or waggon, with which the carman is directed to weigh gratis the coals contained in any one or more of the sacks which the purchaser or his servant may require to be so reweighed. But no ticket is necessary to be delivered with coals purchased at the “Coal Market,” or with coals exceeding 560lbs. purchased in bulk from any vessel or wharf, if purchasers do not require a ticket. The seller of the coals not sending a ticket and a weighing machine with the coals, and the carman not delivering the ticket, or neglecting or refusing to weigh the coals, are subject to distinct penalties.
No less than seventy-seven kinds of sea coal are brought to the London market; forty-five of which are imported from Newcastle, and the rest from Sunderland. The best of the Sunderland produce are Stewart’s main, Lambton’s main, and Hetley main, or as they are more generally termed in imitation of the old Russell Walls End, Stewart’s Walls End, &c. The Scotch and Staffordshire coals are inferior to the sea coal both in durability and the heat which they give, being about one-third less productive in those qualities than the Newcastle and Sunderland varieties.
The test of good coal depends on the burning, and the quantity of bitumen it affords in its combustion; and no bad signs of its inferiority are that it is dull, small, stony, or slaty. But the quality of coals is in a great measure determined by the weight; for there often occurs a difference of 30lbs. weight in two sacks of different qualities, though equally filled: largeness of size is no proper criterion, for the inferior coals are often of the largest size.
SECTION X.
Painters’ Colours or Pigments, Hats, Broad Cloth, Kerseymeres, Linens, Laces, Cambrics, Silks, Jewellery, Stationary, &c.
The spirit of adulteration pursues poor John even into his domestic arrangements. Should he design to decorate his dwelling—“his neat suburban cottage”—and have the walls or wainscot of his drawing-room painted a delicate pink colour to rival the carnation tints of the cheek of his “cara sposa,” or those of his breakfast parlour, to imitate the lively blue of the bright eyes of his “lovely cherubs,” the vile sophisticators mar all his wishes, and he is able to obtain nothing else than dull and darkling daubs. In fewer words, he cannot obtain genuine colours wherewith to have his house painted. And this sophistication does not only extend to the common house-paints, (as where white lead is mixed with carbonate or sulphate of barytes; vermilion with red lead, and a long et-cetera;) but should honest John wish that his hopeful progeny may rival the Zeuxis or Apelles of antiquity, or confine his paternal longings to the more modern artists—a Reynolds, a Gainsborough, a Moreland, or a David,—he has the mortification of seeing his fond illusions dissipated by the adulterating manufacturers of ultramarine, carmine, lake, Antwerp blue, crome yellow, Indian ink, and all the other et-ceteras of artist-decoration.
The covering of even John’s sconce is not exempt from sophistication. In the room of the dear bought, far fetched beaver, the adulterators adorn John’s pate with a strange combination of wool and the homely and cheaply purchased fur of the rabbit and mole. This, it must be admitted, is cruel usage of the good old gentleman, and must, as the witty author of the Indicator says, bring to his mind an odd association of ideas, (namely, of cheatery and forgiveness,) in one of those communings with his hat’s lining, while, like a polite worshipper, he is whispering his preparatory ejaculations, before he turns round with due gravity and composure, and makes a bow of genteel recognition of the Mr. and Mrs A. and the Misses B. who have assembled in the pew before him.
Nor is he better treated by his clothier or man’s mercer. Not to mention the slight texture of the articles, and the substitution of inferior materials for the “best superfine Spanish” and the “super-extra Saxony,” the sly varlet artfully stitches the selvage of broad cloths, kerseymeres, and ladies’ “extra superfine,” dyed of a permanent colour, to the edge of cloth dyed with a fugative or fading dye; and this operation is performed with so much skill and nicety as to elude John’s most penetrating optics.
Neither are Mrs. Bull and her “lovely daughters” more exempt from the knaveries of the linen-draper, the dealers in laces, veils, silks, “Cashmere shawls,” French cambrics, and the other paraphernalia of the female wardrobe: they are all sophisticated, and often no more like the native article than “the moon is like green cheese.” Like “a true bred knight,” I shall not forget to furnish the female part of Mr. Bull’s family with the means and criteria for judging of the goodness of those commodities, in the work which, as I have before said, I have nearly ready for press. Nor shall I omit to take notice in the same publication, to give directions for the proper selection of the articles of furniture of the old gent’s house; such as feathers, blankets, carpets, &c. &c.
While gallantly professing my knight-errantry in the cause of Mrs. Bull and “her lovely daughters,” I find that I have made an unpardonable omission—not a word on laces and muslins! To propitiate their “kind consideration,” I hurry to supply the unpardonable omission. Let then every “lovely fair one” know that laces are now generally made from single cottons (instead of good double thread, as was formerly the case), and in order to make them look fine and clear, they are stiffened with starch, which occasions the delusive articles, as soon as they are washed, to fall to pieces. In some articles of lace, particularly veils, many of the springs and flowers are fastened on with gum, which, as soon as they are wetted, immediately fall off and betray the cheatery. Caps and other articles of female habiliments sold in the streets, are often united together in the most ingenious manner by means of gum or paste.