What is the difference between photography and the whooping-cough? One makes fac similes, the other sick families.
Why is a wide-awake hat so called? Because it never had a nap, and never wants any.
What is the difference between a young lady and a wide-awake hat? One has feeling, the other is felt.
One of the most “wide-awake” people we ever heard of was a “one-eyed beggar,” who bet a friend he could see more with his one eye than the friend could see with two. How was this? Because he saw his friend’s two eyes, whilst the other only saw his one.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing omnibuses.
Why is an umbrella like a pancake? Because it’s seldom seen after Lent.
Why is a washerwoman like Saturday? Because she brings in the clothes (close) of the week.
Why is a washerwoman the most cruel person in the world? Because she daily wrings men’s bosoms.
Why are laundresses no better than idiots? Because they try to catch soft water when it rains hard.
Who is the oldest lunatic on record? Time out of mind.