What is the difference between killed soldiers and repaired garments? The former are dead men, and the latter are mended (dead).
Why is a worn-out shoe like ancient Greece? Because it once had a Solon (sole on).
Why is swearing aloud like an old coat? Because it’s a bad habit.
What’s the difference between a man and his tailor, when the former is in prison at the latter’s suit? He’s let him in, and he won’t let him out.
When does a man double his capital? When he makes one pound two every day.
You don’t know what the exact antipodes to Ireland is? You mean to say you don’t? Nonsense. Why, suppose we were to bore a hole exactly through the earth, starting from Dublin, and you went in at this end, where would you come out? Where would you come out? why, out of the hole, to be sure.
What is the difference between a Roman Catholic priest and a Baptist? One uses wax candles—the other dips!
What is the difference between a Roman Catholic priest and Signor Mario? One sings mass in white, and the other mass in yellow (Masaniello).
Why, when you paint a man’s portrait, may you be described as stepping into his shoes? Because you make his feet-yours (features).
What is the very best and cheapest light, especially for painters? Daylight.