Why is a jeweler like a screeching florid singer? Because he pierces the ears for the sake of ornament!
What sort of music should a girl sing whose voice is cracked and broken? Pieces!
Why is an old man’s head like a song “executed” (murdered) by an indifferent singer? Because it’s often terribly bawled (bald)!
What is better than an indifferent singer in a drawing-room after dinner? A different one.
Why is a school-mistress like the letter C? Because she forms lasses into classes.
If an egg were found on a music-stool, what poem of Sir Walter Scott’s would it remind you of? The Lay of the Last Minstrel.
Why would an owl be offended at your calling him a pheasant? Because you would be making game of him!
John Smith, Esq., went out shooting, and took his interestingly sagacious pointer with him; this noble quadrupedal, and occasionally graminiverous specimen, went not before, went not behind, nor on one side of him; then where did the horrid brute go? Why, on the other side of him, of course.
My first, a messenger of gladness;
My last, an instrument of sadness;
My whole looked down upon my last and smiled—
Upon a wretch disconsolate and wild.
But when my whole looked down and smiled no more,
That wretch’s frenzy and his pain were o’er.
Sun-beam.