Why should a teetotaler not have a wife? Because he can’t sup-porter.
What kind of a cravat would a hog be most likely to choose? A pig’s-tye, of course.
Why do teetotalers run such a slight risk of drowning? Because they are so accustomed to keep their noses above water.
How can you make one pound of green tea go as far as five pounds of black? Buy the above quantities in New York, and send them up to Yonkers.
Why is a short man struggling to kiss a tall woman like an Irishman going up to Vesuvius? Because, sure, he’s trying to get at the mouth of the crater!
What is the greatest miracle ever worked in Ireland? Waking the dead!
Why is marriage with a deceased wife’s sister like the wedding of two fish? Because it’s a-finny-tie (affinity).
A man bought two fishes, but on taking them home found he had three; how was this? He had two—and one smelt!
Suppose we begin with my second TRANSPOSED,
A comical way of beginning,
But many a horse that starts last in the race
Is first at the post for the winning.