How do angry women prove themselves strong-nerved? They exhibit their “presents of mind” by “giving you a bit of it!”
How is it you can never tell a lady’s real hysterics from her sham ones? Because, in either case, it’s a feint (faint).
When may ladies who are enjoying themselves be said to look wretched? When at the opera, as then they are in tiers (tears).
When is a man like a green gooseberry? When a woman makes a fool of him.
What kind of a book might a man wish his wife to resemble? An almanac; for then he could have a new one every year.
When is a bonnet not a bonnet? When it becomes a pretty woman.
What, as milliners say, is “the sweetest thing in bonnets?” A lady’s two-lips.
There is a noun of plural number,
Foe to peace and tranquil slumber;
But add to it the letter s,
And—wond’rous metamorphosis—
Plural is plural now no more,
And sweet what bitter was before?
Cares—caress.
If you were kissing a young lady, who was very spooney (and a nice, ladel-like girl), what would be her opinion of newspapers during the operation? She wouldn’t want any Spectators, nor Observers, but plenty of Times.