Officer (drilling recruits): Hey, you, in case of fire, what do you do?
Recruit: I yell.
Officer: Yell what?
Recruit: Why, what do you suppose? Cease firing.
* * *
Doctor (at door, to butler): Tell your master the doctor is here.
Butler: The master is in great pain, sir. He is receiving nobody.
* * *
Young Woman (holding out hand): Will you please tell me how to pronounce the name of the stone in this ring? Is it turkoise or turkwoise?
Jeweler (after inspecting it): The correct pronunciation is "glass."