"Why don't you speak the English language?"
"I do, yer honour. I never wuz out of dis country in me life."
* * *
THE JONAH
"Now, children," said the Sunday-school teacher, "I have told you the story of Jonah and the whale. Willie, you may tell me what this story teaches."
"Yes'm," said Willie, the bright-eyed son ef the pastor; "it teaches that you can't keep a good man down."
* * *
THE SUBSTITUTE
A tourist at an hotel in Ireland asked the girl who waited at the table if he could have some poached eggs.
"We haven't any eggs, sorr," she replied; then, after a moment's reflection, "but I think I could get ye some poached salmon."