A boy and his mother were taking in the circus. Looking at the hippopotamus, he said: "Ma, ain't that the ugliest damn thing you ever saw?"
"Bill," said his ma, "didn't I tell you never to say 'ain't.'"
* * *
"Vell, Ikey, my poy," said Sol to his son, "I've made my vill and left it all to you."
"That's very good of you, father," remarked Ike, eyeing him suspiciously. "But, bless you, it cost a lot of money for the lawyer and fees and things!"
"Vell?" said Ike more suspiciously. "Vell, it ain't fair I should pay all dot, is it? So I'll shust take it off from your next month's salary."
* * *
Mr. McNab (after having his lease read over to him): "I will not sign that; I have na' been able tae keep Ten Commandments for a mansion in Heaven, an' I'm no' gaun tae tackle about a hundred for twa rooms in the High Street."
* * *
"Come, Dorothy," said her father impatiently, "throw your doll on the bed and hurry or we shall be late."