"A few days" is also an unsatisfactory wording of an invitation to visitors themselves; as a rule, it means three or four days, but there is also an uncertainty as to whether the fourth day should be taken or not. Those who interpret "a few days" to mean three days, make their plans for departure accordingly; failing this, they are compelled to leave their plans open, and stay from three to five days, according as chance and circumstances may dictate. A lady would perhaps require a little addition to her wardrobe in the matter of a five days' visit over that of a three days' stay; but this is a trifling detail, although it helps to swell the list of minor inconveniences which are the result of vague invitations. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, and there are people who use this phrase of "Will you come and see us for a few days?" in the bonâ fide sense of the word, and to whom it is immaterial whether their guests remain three days or six days; but such an elastic invitation as this is usually given to a relative, or to a very intimate friend, whose footing in the house is that of a relation, and with whom the hostess does not stand on ceremony, as far as her own engagements are concerned; and people on these friendly terms can talk over their departure with their hostess, and consult her about it without the faintest embarrassment.
The most satisfactory invitation is certainly the one that mentions the day of arrival and the day of departure. Thus, after the raison d'être of the invitation has been stated, the why and the wherefore of its being given follows the gist of the letter: "We hope you will come to us on Wednesday the 23rd, and remain until the 27th." It is, of course, open to a hostess to ask her visitors to prolong their stay beyond the date named if she sees reason for so doing; but this is the exception rather than the rule in the case of short visits, and guests take their departure as a matter of course on the day named in the invitation. Hostess and guests are perfectly at ease upon the subject, and guests do not feel on delicate ground with their hostess, or fear to outstay their welcome. When a visit has been paid it is polite, if not imperative, to write to the hostess and express the pleasure that has been derived from it. Oftener than not some little matter arises which necessitates a note being written apart from this; but whether or not, good feeling and good taste would dictate that some such note should be written, and, as it can always include little matters of general interest in connection with the past visit, it need neither be over ceremonious nor coldly polite.
To write a letter asking for an invitation, or to answer a letter asking for an invitation, is in either case a difficult letter to write, as many have ere this discovered. When a married lady asks for an invitation for a young relative or friend staying with her, to some dance or "at home" to which she herself is invited, the note is simple enough, and the answer is generally a card of invitation or a written permission to bring her. Again, in the case of asking for invitations for gentlemen, if a lady is going to a ball, she can without hesitation, ask for cards of invitation for one or two gentlemen friends of her own, mentioning their names in the note. In this case also the answer is generally in the affirmative, as men are always acquisitions at a ball. The awkwardness of the situation arises when a good-natured person is solicited to obtain an invitation to a smart ball for a lady and her daughters, or for the young ladies only, the latter knowing some one who would chaperon them if they could only get an invitation. If the lady who asks for the invitation is a fashionable ball-giver, the probability is that her request will be granted; but if the contrary, the reverse will most likely be the case. Even when writing to an intimate friend, there is always a delicacy in asking for an invitation for a third person, and society appears to become, year after year, still more exclusive on this point. Many people are reluctant, or decline altogether, to put themselves under an obligation of this nature, even for those with whom they are most intimate; it may be that the number of refusals good-natured people have received from their friends when trying to render services of this description, have made them chary of putting themselves forward again in a similar manner: it is chilling to be told that the list is over full, or that so many people have been refused already, or that there is not a card to spare. But a few years ago a ball was not considered a success unless it was an over-crowded one; the popularity of the ball-giver was shown by the guests scarcely being able to find standing-room. Thus, invitations were given right and left to the friends of those who asked for them.
But the fashion of to-day is to style a crowded ball-room a "bear-garden," and to confine the invitations, with but very few exceptions, to those who are strictly on the visiting list of the ball-giver; and pretty girls may sigh in vain for an invitation to a ball given even by a relative or acquaintance of their own, if not on their visiting list. Still, invitations are constantly asked for by people for their friends, and sometimes they are given and sometimes they are refused, as the case may be, but much depends upon the position of the one who solicits the favour.
If the giver of an entertainment wishes to oblige the petitioner, she will stretch a point to do so; if not, she will write a polite note of excuse, giving one of the reasons before mentioned. It is thoroughly understood people do not ask for invitations for themselves, whatever they may do for their friends, and that they would not do so unless they were themselves invited. Living at a distance modifies, however, this latter rule; and friends in the country often ask for invitations for friends in town, and vice versâ.
Dinner invitations are, as a matter of course, never asked for; but invitations to garden-parties, afternoon "at homes," and afternoon teas, are frequently asked for and readily given. Some are intimate enough at the house where they visit to take a relative or friend with them to those afternoon gatherings without observing the punctiliousness of asking for an invitation; others, on less intimate terms, do not venture upon doing so.
In all cases when an invitation is asked for, a hostess should never neglect to send a reply, and should not take for granted that her friends will naturally understand that silence gives consent, for under the circumstances it is very possible to interpret it to signify a refusal.