First then, as Editor, you launch forth into all the extravagant Praises that ever could enter the Heart of a young Author, before his first favourite Performance was condemn'd by the Public. In this Disguise you take a full Aim, and by presenting your Readers with a Prologue to your own Praise, you would prepossess them with Applause, and fondly surfeit on the Eccho. The many Eulogia in your Preface stated with Ifs, and artfully in the Conclusion bestowed on Pamela are but an Abstract of what fulsome Praises an Author wou'd privately entertain himself with, or indeed look like what the Booksellers are very often forced to say to make a bad Copy go off. However they may tickle the Ears, they can never charm the Sense, and in plain English may be render'd thus:
"I the Editor tell you and command you to believe, that this Book, called Pamela, will divert, entertain, instruct, and improve the Youth of both Sexes.
"It is the best System of Religion and Morality extant, delightful and profitable to the younger Class of Readers, as well as those of maturer Years and Understanding.
"All the social Duties in high and low Life, are set forth in the most exemplary Lights. Vice is made odious, Virtue truely lovely; the Characters justly drawn, and equally supported; the Man of Fortune, Passion, or Intrigue rightly instructed; practical Examples given to the Ladies in the most critical and affecting Cases, either of Virgin, Bride, or Wife: These represented in so lively a Manner, that the Passions of every sensible Reader must be affected; and his that are not, I pronounce him a Fool. Yet though the Passions are so much touched, there is not a single Idea throughout the Whole that shall shock the exactest Purity, nor shall a Lady be put to the Blush, even where she may very naturally expect it.
"Besides all this, believe me, Sirs, 'tis every Word true; nor do I at all doubt the Success of the Sale; because I confidently assert, that all the desireable Ends are obtained in these Sheets; and if any one should dispute it, I will convince him by two incontestable Proofs. First, that I know from my own Passions, that I never perused these engaging Scenes without being uncommonly moved: And, for that Reason, I insist upon it, that every Man who reads them must be the same: And next, that I, as an Editor, judge with more Impartiality than an Author can do."
What Vanity is this! Did it ever appear more conspicuous in the Writings of any one? The worthy Gentleman who is appointed to preside over the British Muses, hath been frequently accused of being a perfect Master in this Art; nay, so far indeed does it extenuate the Crime, that he acknowledges the Foible. He has long been allowed to reign sole Monarch of the Realms of Effrontery and Vanity; but in you, Sir, let him dread a formidable Rival.
The positively pronouncing a Thing quite perfect, and the only good one of its Kind upon your meer ipse Dixi, is something so novel, and tacitly calling all Fools who shall dare to swerve from that Opinion, gives it such an Air of Consequence and assur'd Success, as may prevail on many, who search no farther than the Surface to believe it to be what it is represented; but to Persons who may be as sensible, tho' perhaps not so bigotted to an Opinion, as the Editor, it must only afford Matter for Laughter and Ridicule.
If it is not ludicrous, (tho' what can be too light a Counterpoise for such frothy Affectation!) I once met with a Story from an honest Country Man, which seems very applicable to the Case in Question. A Doctor, says the Farmer, once did us the Honour of a Visit at our Village, he appeared in all the Ornament of Dress necessary to excite Curiosity in simple unmeaning Clowns, he began his Harangue, by inveighing bitterly against the Errors and Tricks of his Brother Practitioners, their Advice was deficient, their Drugs unwholsome, and instead of healing, they did but taint the Body; he only prescribed what was proper, and his Arcanum was the grand Restorative of Health then first published, with a salutary Design of confirming the whole Country's Health to the utter Ruin of all Physicians, Apothecaries, &c. Name what Disease you would, his little Pill was an immediate and sovereign Remedy. During the Doctor's Oration there appear'd behind him a surly Sort of a Fellow, dress'd in all the Accoutrements that could be collected together to make him look terrible, yet through all, you might discern a sly leering Grin: No sooner had the Doctor pronounced his Nostrum universal, but Andrew (for he, it seems, was the formidable Hero in Disguise) advancing forward with an Air military flourishes his broad Sword over his Head; and being mildly ask'd by the Doctor, what was the Occasion of that tremendous Visage, he boldly answered——to Kill any one that dare dispute it.
Thus you, Sir, as Editor stand boldly a Swiss at your own Portal, to invite in your Friends with recommendatory Letters, and hard strain'd complemental Rhimes to yourself as Author, to usher your doughty Performance into the World.
I shall pass over them in a cursory Manner, as they only appear to be Aiders and Abetters, and not principally concerned; they only tend to sound forth the Praise of the Book, and amount to little more than what the Vulgar call a Puff. The first of them insinuates a French Translation, and as I see one is since advertised to be published, it may not be amiss to congratulate the Gentleman, whoever he is, on his lucky Thought, and wish him as much Success on his being Translator, as you have met with in being Editor; tho' upon Consideration I must confess that would be doing wrong, for as I think the Book to have a bad Tendency in general, (which I shall endeavour to prove presently) to transmit it into another Language is but spreading the Infection farther.