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AN ESSAY ON MATRIMONY.
Socrates, being asked, whether it were better for a man to marry, or to remain single, replied,—“Let him do either, he will repent of it.”
The philosopher spoke ‘like an oracle,’ leaving the world as much in the dark as to his views of the comparative advantages of matrimony and celibacy, as they could have been before. But a vast majority of men have chosen, since they must repent of one or the other, to repent of marrying, deeming perhaps that this repentance is “the repentance which needeth not to be repented of.”
We shall conclude our little treatise on “the sex,” with a few remarks on the subject of—we were about to say—Happiness,—but as we are content that every married man and woman should judge for themselves as to the happiness of the married state, we will simply style it an Essay on Matrimony.
No event is more important, and none is conducted, on many occasions, with less prudence, than Marriage. Providence has allowed the passions to exercise a powerful influence in this matter, otherwise the cares and anxieties with which it is attended would deter most persons from launching their bark of earthly happiness on the great ocean of matrimony. But too frequently the passions are the only guide, and these stimulate to bewilder: they exhibit pleasing and attractive imagery, and then the possession destroys the bliss.
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Love is a pleasing but exciting passion. The eye is delighted by form, manners, and the expression of the features, the ears by musical language, and the imagination paints future joys; all of which contribute to one great principle, that of receiving happiness from those we love, and evincing love for those from whom we derive our happiness. As the crystal streams are absorbed by the sun, and distributed as brilliant clouds in the heavens, and then fall and run in their accustomed channels, and thus the rivers supply the clouds, and the vapors the rivers, so is the interchange between love and happiness. This will agree with the opinion that love may be occasioned suddenly, because enjoyment is expected; or it may arise gradually, because the unattractiveness which first existed, may be succeeded by attraction.
There was no appointment by nature of particular persons for each other; but we may expect among a great variety of occurrences to meet with some singular and astonishing coincidences. Human beings appear to be left in this respect, as in many others, to their own judgment. If they act discreetly, they enjoy the comfort of it; but if otherwise, they bring upon themselves a disadvantage.
The happiness arising from an union depends chiefly on the character of the persons who are concerned in it. If men and women were as consistent and virtuous as they should be, the connubial bond would be soft and pleasant; but as these effects do not always arise, where is the fault? Which is better, or more worthy, the male or the female sex? This is rather a difficult question; and let the palm of superior merit be awarded to either, the imputation of prejudice would be connected with the decision. But fortunately there is little difference: one varies from the other in particular qualities; but if the aggregate of merit be taken in each, the amount will not differ much. Education forms the principal [p205] variation: men are instructed in the more active and laborious employments, women in the more sedentary and domestic. Dr Southey says, that “if women are not formed of finer clay, there has been more of the dew of heaven to temper it.” Richard Flecknoe, a contemporary with Dryden, observes of the female sex,—“I have always been conversant with the best and worthiest in all places where I came; and among the rest with ladies, in whose conversation, as in an academy of virtue, I learnt nothing but goodness, and saw nothing but nobleness.” It must be granted, that women in general possess more of the sweetness and softness of human nature, while men are endowed with more vigorous virtues; women are gifted with more fortitude, and men with more valor.
Jeremy Taylor says,—“Marriage hath in it the labor of love, and the delicacies of friendship; the blessings of society, and the union of hands and hearts.”
Cowper has also alluded to the advantages of a matrimonial settlement,—